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Why I'm Here

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by bubblycake, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. bubblycake

    bubblycake Member

    I grew up a lot of my life with a mother who was alcohol dependent. Most of my childhood I was raised by my grandparents because raising my brother and I cramped her lifestyle too much. The times when I did live with her we lost our house twice and was repeatedly abused by her and one of her spouses. As a teenager I never did the normal drinking activities that were common in our area. I knew first hand what alcoholism looked like and I didn't want it to happen to me. I remember reading when I was that age that if you started drinking before 17 you were more likely to become an alcoholic. I'm not sure if that is still the common thought but it sure kept me from drinking until I was fully an adult. My mother quit drinking in her fifties after an incident with her husband. I am still proud that she managed to accomplish that. We aren't very close but I still speak with her occasionally. It is still something that affects me. I try to be careful not to drink when the world is getting too much for me, I always hope that it doesn't catch up with me at any point.
  2. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    That's good news as usually the saying goes history repeats itself. So very good that you are not an alcoholic and also extremely sad, that you had to go through so much as a child which can bear scars for the rest of your life, with peers, family and relationships. You seem to be pretty strong and this is good for someone to be normal and create a happy life for oneself.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @bubblycake... I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood, but I'm happy that you have avoided the alcohol issues that your mother had.

    I, too, grew up with an alcoholic parent. My father's alcoholism had a huge negative effect on my childhood. I resented and hated him for years. I wrote a blog post about me, my dad, and his alcoholism. If you care to read it, here's the link:

    Better Late Than Never

    Thank you for coming here and sharing. I honestly believe that fathers and mothers who abuse alcohol or drugs have no idea that they are causing so much pain and suffering in their children's lives. Addiction is a very selfish disease.

    Peace and hugs.
  4. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Bubblycake, welcome to the forum. I can't imagine what it's like to have lived the childhood you did, but I know it could not have been easy. You have been able to make it this far and I am confident that you will do everything to make sure you don't make the mistakes your mother did. Sometimes parents have a way of teaching children what mistakes not to make by making lots of bad choices themselves. It's like using their bad examples to be better ourselves.
    It surely isn't the way it was intended to be, but sometimes that is the harsh reality. I am glad your mom was finally able to clean her life up. Forgive her and live the life she didn't even when this world is getting too much for you.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. pau21

    pau21 Member

    Hey everyone, wanted to make a first stop to introduce myself. I was searching for a place where I could find people who are struggling with cigarettes addiction just as I am. To many it may seem that I'm exaggerating, but the truth is that I've tried quitting so many times without luck and I'm already getting frustrated. I also wanted to find some answers regarding why I always fall for guys who have substance abuse issues. I've never taken drugs but it almost seems as if I'm chasing this kind of men. Well, I guess this is for all now, looking forward for your advice and to helping whomever that may need me.
  6. harold

    harold Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story. Your story is a great one because it has a positive ending. I am glad your mother succeeded to quit alcohol, and I congratulate you for staying away from it. You have proven to the world that people can count on you as a model and emulate your example. I say this because many people who grew up with alcoholic parents ended up addicted to alcohol or worst. It is not an easy situation to handle with a sober mind . You have demonstrated positive thinking, good judgement and a great altitude. Your story will be a source of inspiration and direction for many people who want to take up a positive direction in their lives, and find themselves in the same circumstances that you grew up in. Keep up the good work and continue to inspire more people. Thanks for sharing!
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us. I am sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood. Children shouldn't have to deal with those issues. It is good that your mom has finally stopped drinking. I can understand why you aren't close to each other now but at least she has turned her life around. I also have a niece who went through a similar thing and she doesn't drink or want anything to do with it because of all that she seen growing up. She also feared alcoholism and falling in that same cycle. I am glad that you came here to talk. This is a very caring and supportive community off people.
  8. lalabee21

    lalabee21 Active Contributor

    Hello everyone, I’m new here and wanted to make a first stop to introduce myself and tell you why I’m here. I’m happily married, and I’m the proud mother of a gorgeous baby girl. I love my life, but I have a severe nicotine addiction. I know that every time I light a cigarette I'm deducting years to my life, but I just keep smoking.

    I want to learn more about my addiction, why I act the way I do, why I just can’t quit and go on with my life. I’m hoping to meet people that have the same problem and who share my feelings. I also want to be there for anyone who needs a friend or someone to talk with.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @lalabee21... Welcome to our community and thanks for sharing.

    Nicotine is a tough drug to kick, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible. This October I'll be celebrating 25 years of being smoke-free. Quitting smoking is truly one of the accomplishments I'm most proud of in my life. I quit a few different times, only to go back to it. But I finally managed to muster up the courage and willpower to just say no. One of the things that motivated me was the birth of my first son. I didn't want him to be around my smoking because I didn't want him to see me smoking. (Babies are so observant and pick up on so many things we do.)

    I quit cold turkey, and it was kind of hellish for about a week, but after that it got much easier. I used various "tools" to help me quit: Sucking on Dum-Dum suckers or Australian tea tree sticks (they have them at; riding my bike frequently; taking a shower when I got a craving for a cigarette (it worked!); etc. One of the best deterrents was a thing a friend of mine taught me. You take a couple dozen cigarette butts, put them in a jar, and put just enough water in the jar to get them good and wet. Maybe an inch of water or so. Then you put the lid back on the jar tightly and shake it up a little. Then the next time you get a craving for a cigarette, open the jar and take a big whiff of the contents of the jar. That smell stopped me every single time.

    I believe that you can quit smoking if you set the goal, focus on the goal, and work your butt off at achieving the goal. Will it be tough? Yup. But will it be worth it? Absolutely! You will be much healthier, save a bunch of money, and set a great example for your daughter. Plus, you'll likely be around for your daughter much longer.

    Maybe to start, just try cutting down a bit? Even if you smoke one fewer cigarette today than you did yesterday, that's progress, right?

    I'm glad you came by our forum. We are here to help and support you any way we can. I'm sending you positive, smoke-free vibes. :)
  10. lalabee21

    lalabee21 Active Contributor

    Hey, congrats for this first 25 years! Thanks for this. You have so many tricks, I’ have to try the jar thing. What I’ve discovered through the years is that my head is the problem. When I was pregnant I was so happy and excited that I had no problem in quitting for like a year. Then when I was not nursing my baby anymore I smoked again. So, this made me realize that physically it’s not so difficult, it’s my mind that betrays me.

    Well just wanted to say that your words inspired me, I’ll try to smoke less today. Thank you so much.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. Owlwright

    Owlwright Member

    Welcome to the forum! You seem like a very independant and rational person.
    I am glad your mum had a wakening call! Quitting with 50, when alcohol consume was such a big part of your life must be hard, and it's great she could do it, good for her.
    And you can be proud of yourself for staying strong and not let that abusive household break you.
    deanokat likes this.
  12. Jamesbonner

    Jamesbonner Active Contributor

    Hi, I'm really sorry for your story, I'm glad that your mother managed to stop drinking even if it's late a little bit, but you still can learn from her mistakes and avoid the way that takes you to be an addicted, you should keep a good relationship with your mom, because at the end she is the one that brings you to this world ! good luck
    deanokat likes this.
  13. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    My father was a quiet hardworking man but a complete drunk.
    I wish I had the insight you did at that age, took me along time to get sober myself and come to terms with that.
    Congrats to your mom though! I hope she enjoys her sobriety, goes to show you it's never too late to turn it around.
    You must have an angel close to you, not many people walk that path and come out alive and still talking to each other.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. Whiskers

    Whiskers Active Contributor

    I am so glad that you learnt well from your mom's experiences. Most people would have fallen into the habit as well. I like that she is now sober and the two of you are good friends. I think it begins with realizing that the dependency was something she was struggling with.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Great thinking you have and we can sense your strong personality. Really good for you that you see things as motivation not to get into addiction instead of making that a reason to be into bad vices.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Well usually I think when one has a sober view point of alcoholism. You tend to want to be nothing like the people you've seen. The sloppy slurring and messy kind. It really does look bad. The worst is when they constantly wreak of alcohol that the smell is just coming out of their skin, even when they are sober. Its like they are so close to alcohol poisoning.
    I don't think anything is going to catch up to you if don't want it to. Unless of course you have done something for it to catch up to you.
  17. bubblycake

    bubblycake Member

    @Adrianna - That is absolutely the case for myself. I wanted to be nothing like them so I literally did not drink until I was an adult. I think it was a very sound decision and one that I am passing on to my son.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    My childhood was very much like yours but both of my parents were alcoholics. There was alot of violence growing up. What i remember was i knew i didnt want to end up like them and i promised not to treat woman like my Dad treated my mom. Very abusive. And guess what i ended up like both of them and much more. Alcoholic, Drug Addict, been to Prison 5 times. Im clean now but for a long time i didnt think i would ever care enough about myself and life to get clean. They say your a product of your environment. I found that to be true with my life. Im Grateful today for my Sobriety.