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Wife and cocaine

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Chicagopilot, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    My wife and I have been married for 5 years. She is a recovering addict that has been clean for about 6 years. I bought her a restaurant that she has always wanted 3 months ago, she spent two months rehabbing it and open the last month. About two months ago I noticed a change in her. She was staying at the bar late, hanging out with a new crowd and becoming very distant. I was thinking affair and started searching for evidence. I found a text from a friend that was asking her where she got her coke. I confronted her but she said she slipped once and used only once. As she was becoming more and more distant I started feeling insecure and looking for reassurance from her which drove her further and further away. And all the while she was staying out till sometimes 7 in the morning and when I would ask her she would tell me that I am crazy and jealous. And it was a repeating cycle. Then last week when I was coming home from a business trip she called me devastated and told me that her hair had fallen out over night. Sure enough I would say that she was 80 percent bald. I became more and more concerned and she withdrew more and more. Friday she told me that she was leaving me and either I leave the house or she does. I chose to leave and she has only sent a few text asking me to let her know before I come home to get my things so she can leave. Two questions



    1. Does this sound like a cocaine addiction?

    2. Do you think she will come back to me? And if so what should I expect?
  2. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    It does indeed sound like cocain addiction. Most drug users when they have a problem will definitely lie about it and make you seem like the crazy one.

    Nobody stays out till 7 in the morning on a natural high. Definitely sounds like some kind of stimulate.

    Normally for about 2 days and after they use they will be very irritable and tired might lay on the couch all day not want to do anything. But when there friend or friends call to go out and party they have all the motivation on the world.

    As far as the coming back to you probably not until they have hit rock bottom. Meaning not until the negatives out weigh the postive feelings from the drug. Normally after they are super addicted and are dope sick more days than they are high.

    You might be thinking about telling her it's ok to use if she comes home but dont do it. You'll be enabling her and making it easier for her to do the drugs. Life needs to become hard for her before she thinks about changing.
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2019
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  3. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    The ideal behind that theory is let's say in the case of mice.

    Cocain is very reinforcing which means you crave it big time and Let's say the mouse is willing to climb 20 steps to the top to get his fix.

    But Now lets say the mouse is not willing to climb 50 steps to get it. That's the ideal of how the negatives can outweigh the postive effects. It's too much work for the mouse to want to get his fix.

    The more reinforcing a drug is the more steps they are willing to climb to get it.

    We are not much different then mice in that aspect.
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2019
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  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    The baldness is throwing me way off,I mean what cocaine causes baldness?I personally think there is something missing besides coke or a lover....something else,I believe she is doing more than just cocaine but I obviously can't be sure,I'm wondering if she is in trouble in some way other than substance abuse, she needs to see a Dr and have blood work because I fear there is more going on here
  5. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Doctor says she is healthy. I am also wondering if there may be some meth involved.
    However a doctor friend said that some people do react that way to cocaine. Something about an enzyme called TE.
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  6. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I have read a few things about losing hair. Its possible but not very common. Cocain changes adrenaline outflow which could cause some hormonal changes.
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  7. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    But I've known alot of people who have done drugs including myself for about 20 years now.

    Your wife would be the first I have ever personally heard about losing hair. I wonder if it could have been adulterated or something who knows what people put in that shlt.
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  8. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Hi @Chicagopilot
    Im so very sorry to hear of your troubles. I was a heroin /coke addict for about a decade. I am going on two years clean now though thank God.
    And unfortunately my brother has a taste for cocaine and cocaine alone. So he's currently laid up in a hospital with a whole head infection and failing organs. Not saying this to scare you but he lost most of his hair suddenly.
    It was a long time going downhill for him,as unless he stops now-as in last week- he might pull through.
    But he was like unsaid on a steady decline until the hair thing. I found his coke. They tested it. It had some kind of dewormer in it. There is a thread on here that talks about this-i didn't believe it having done so much myself just 2 years ago.
    Recently though they have been finding supplies of coke with cattle de-wormer in it. Hair loss is a symptom of this dirty coke.(oxymoron I know)

    However I would reach out to her and try and tell her this as it has nearly killed my brother. My brother used coke like an alcoholic drank beer all day everyday for a very long time. This stepped on and run over cut coke though suddenly affected his health way worse than any he had ever done.

    Every single thing you mentioned sounds just like coke use so if that's not the cause for the hair loss or the hormone thing I would be concerned something else is up. Either way this sounds very serious and I would tell her regardless of whether or not she wants to hear it at least you told her.
    I will pray for you both.
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  9. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Thank you for the info, this is of course concerning.
    Yesterday I want to the house to get some clothing (told her I was coming so she was not there)
    I had been gone for 4 days and the house was disgusting, completely not taken care of. Her and I chatted for a few minutes on the phone yesterday, she told me since I have the. Left that she feels so much better. Her appetite is back and she has gained a pound. Again she emphasized that she is not doing drugs of any kind but that the stress I put on her was the reason for all of the issues she is having.
    Part of me wants to believe her and apologize for what she perceives to be my fault. However every single friend is telling me that it is a drug addiction.
    In the past month I have had three severe panic attacks, which is something I have never experienced before.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Of course I don't know if you have put stress on her but I'm guessing /assuming you have a normal marriage and that goes both ways.
    So that aside you are without a dought staring a drug addiction straight in the face.
    No dought in my mind-even if there are other issues. She's on coke my friend. I dought meth since you were told cocaine and that's a very specific drug. If you want coke you want coke-meth does not fix you up. Gives you energy but coke gives this short lived euphoria that meth does not.
    Since her friends said come I'm going with coke. Plus the behavior fits as well. I've known people that could keep meth use on the down low for a very long time.
    In my experience not the case with powder. I'm sorry. Those are not empty words either. I've been on your side and I've lived her side. I feel for BOTH of you. She is suffering more than you know. And she's not happy and she knows she's not happy-can't believe a word out of her mouth right now.
    But next time you speak try and warn her about what could happen like with my brother. She can look it up for herself if she doesn't believe you.
    And by the way don't be hard on yourself when she hits bottom like @Onceaddicted77 said she will see things differently.
    But try and tell her friend. I'm telling you what happened to my brother happened fast.
    Not trying to scare but you can here for help and that's what I can advise.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  11. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    If you have never heard of Casey's law check into it. Not sure if it is in your state.

    Casey's Law refers to the Matthew Casey Wethington Act for Substance Abuse Intervention. ... The law allows the parents, relatives, or friends of an addicted person to lawfully intervene and request involuntary, court-ordered addiction treatment for their addicted loved one.
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  12. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Nobody ever wants to be forced into treatment and it rarely works if the person is not ready for change. But if they are killing themselves it's a different story.
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  13. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    My wife was a cocain addict for years.she can hide it well but I'm keen to drug use as im very experienced in it.

    She wouldn't clean the house or do anything after a bender like I said she would lay around for 2 or 3 days till she was ready to go party again.
  14. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Its little stupid stuff they lie about things like you come home for dinner and they say I already ate go ahead I'm so full right now. It's a dead give away because they dont realize they are trying to sell you the fact they ate already. Normal people dont do that. Of course I knew she hadn't she was just high.
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  15. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Yes! Didn't think of that. But from what I hear this is a Casey's law case if ever there was one. You can carry a cocaine habit for a very long time but the hair thing scares me. I think she probably got bad supply and that's worthy of putting someone in the hospital against their will.
    I don't know a woman in the world who wouldn't freak out completely about going bald suddenly. This drug has taken her over I believe.
    She might even -probably even- thank you later. If she got sober before she wants to not live like this. Unfortunately coke is one of this drugs that makes you forget that with the very first sniff. THE VERY FIRST!
    And if there's steady supply its hard to remember that again.
  16. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    I am on day 9 now if not being at home. She text me occasionally and seems like she is making an effort in reaching out.
    I have been watching the court records and she has not filed for divorce yet, also her friends seem to not have any idea that her and I have separated.
    I am not sure where this is all headed. She keeps telling me that she needs time and space to straighten things out and figure out what she wants. She does tell me that I can come back to the house and she will go stay at her parents. She is saying she is not doing cocaine, but I just can’t believe that. All of the security cameras and system at home have been disconnected so I can not see when she is coming and going.
    I am driving myself crazy trying to figure all this out. I love this woman more than anything in the world.
  17. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I'm not sure I have advice that can be useful but I have felt the pain you are feeling,in fact I still do 5 year's later.I wanted to respond so you got some sort of feedback and I want you to know i hope and pray it all works out but you have to be honest with yourself here and realize the cameras were disconnected for some sort of reason even if she just thinks your spying on her.Stay Strong my friend and hope for the best but prepare for the worst,I wish I had more inspirational word's but I did the best I could with the information I have at hand.Praying for you and her to figure out your differences.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  18. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Thank you for the kind words. To be honest she has not liked the cameras since we put them up. I was not surprised to see them taken down once I moved out.
    Lost and confused now.
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Keep the faith and everything will work out I do believe this
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  20. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    If she only has a cocaine problem why are you letting her tell you where you can live? I want to help but feel I am missing something. Youbdidnt comment on Casey's la me that I saw. And why would she file for divorce if she just has relapsed? Not your fault.

    If I could go back and redo my separation I would not be told when I could come and go my friend. She's your wife. Not your boss. Some will disagree with me on this but if I could go back I would not do as told.
    You can come home I guess...
    I guess you can stay the night...
    I'm gonna be gone for a while if you want to get some stuff...
    No way! I loved her too and so I put my tail between my legs afraid of the inevitable. Her leaving.
    Well, thinking back I still love her, but I was the man in my house as she was the woman in her house. Neither of us had the right to suddenly decide we were sole owners of the house and spouse as well so therefore dictate when they come and go.
    I understand needing space. And some times I understand giving it -like sleep on the couch.
    My friend don't let her make you loose your backbone. Women respect men that silently but firmly stand up for themselves.
    My advice-screw her new rules. Gobto her and confront the problem. If you have a problem you haven't shared and that's why she needs space then that's different. But no woman is gonna respect a man who lets his house be taken over and kicked out and stay away when she says so.
    Femenists get ready- I'm about to tell the truth about you.
    Women say stuff they want men to buck at sometimes because they are attracted to strong men. And even feminists want manly men. (Not saying your not. I totally understand you are blindsided and love her. That's manly.)

    But my friend, take your house back. Set rules for her. Put your cameras up see what going on you don't change your ways because of her addiction.
    Make her a list of rules to follow if she wants to tear up the house and stay out till 7 am. This sounds all backwards to me.