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Wife and cocaine

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Chicagopilot, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    You are right with everything you say. I will go back to my house. But I was just giving her time to hopefully see that she actually needed me and wants me around.
    True concern likes this.
  2. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    On drugs she can't see anything.
    Im,sorry. Be there before some,other guy takes advantage of her. Protect her. She needs it.
    True concern likes this.
  3. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Yes I do understand this. However if I do go home she will leave and most likely winds up at someone’s home who is an enabler. I feel like her being in our home with our dogs gives her some sort of stability.
    The whole thing is so crazy to me, 3 months ago life was normal, now it is not.
  4. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    May I ask, because then ill better understand how i might be able to offer better advice...do you have experience with this before? Or have you personally done drugs? People who have not done them can read about it all day long. But all the education in the world does not compare to snorting a line of real dope in your own nose. I'm trying to help you sir. I really feel for you.
    My wife got a brain disease and someone took advantage of her while I was out feeling sorry for myself. I've shared a lot on here but some things hurt so bad-like that-that I haven't said before. I want to help u
  5. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    No. I have never used drugs other than a few joints in high school.
  6. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Umm veins honest here, and say this with kindness...if roles were reversed think how many people would have told your wife to,click you out and not let you come back until you had cleaned up ...
    Some would even say you needed a year so 23rd and alone to prove you were sticking to it.
    I've seen a nearly identical post. Thing is your not a poor woman that is being hurt by a big mean selfish man.
    As a man, I understand this. And it makes it even harder.
    But she needs someone to draw a line for her. Drugs have taken over and without intervention that drug will not stop until it gets what it wants. Which is everything your wife is.
    Your wife may threaten to leave. Again I say, if you are not to blame for anything then go and lay down the law.
    My brother is dying mist likely now from a head infection. From cocaine.
    At least he's loosing an eye.
    I never see leaving an addict to their own devices working out well...
  7. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Josh,
    If she denies using and will not admit to it then how can I draw a line in the sand? She will just tell me I am the crazy one.
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  8. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    Get proof. Its easy very easy. As a former addict I will hook you up in the morning with all the tricks of the trade. You will be able to catch her easy. I'm getting my son to bed and will tell you how first thing after I from,him off at school.
    You CAN do this. She NEEDS this. If it were you you would need HER to help you.
    If sexes were changed I know two women that would have responded already on this site telling the wife me to get a hold of the situation immediately or leave you. I will post tomorrow.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  9. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Thank you Josh.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    i finally got time to sit at the computer and type this. i didnt want to keep thumbing away at my phone with a 50 percent seccess rate of hitting what im trying to hit. and even then posting something that looks likes i need to be on the recieving end of a severe inpatient detox. (making fun of msyelf here)
    ok so i dropped him off at school and let my animals out-got em fed and now i can tell you what i would do. i notice no woman has responded to you yet-and im sorry about that as there are women on here that know go through stuff daily. they probably are getting mad at me for this but oh well- its the truth. dont treat this any different that if a man went out and did this to his wife(and we all know what everyone-especiallly women would say about the man in this case).
    SO COME ON GALS- WHERES THE SUPPORT WHEN US BROTHERS NEED IT!?!
    in that case all of the advice would be to either tell him to pack and get the helll lout or get him to inpatient even if he didnt want to go and then THINK about takng him back...and so on.
    IVE NEVER AGREED WIHT THIS ADVICE. i also have been very outspoken against it. you made a vow for better or for worse. so did she. in my marriage i tried to honor it- i was even forced with being taken to court before i signed the papers. and even then i waited until the last 5 minutes at the notaries office, i meant to keep my vows as long as it was in my power. and i admire you for doing the same.

    so first-its your house, take it back and tell her youll just be on the couch or something if your afraid of her leaving. if you cant get the cameras up then put others up- if you put them up when shes gone....
    well you easily find out whats up.
    next whos name is the phone bill in? if yours then get a record- back trace. easy.
    you were in contact with friends then go back and find out what you can -names if possible. google search them for criminal records-
    for those who think i shouldnt advise this my name is joshua david head and i do have a record and you are free to search it. im not that guy anymore.... nothing to hide.
    i did this with some one and it got me all the info i needed. should have seen the look on their face when they tried to throw every lie under the sun at me and then i showed them where their car had been. get any app that traces a lost phone...dollar genaerel sells phones for 45 bucks that can do this. activate it put like app on that phone and tape it to her car. pull up google plus and then maps and voiala. you can see the car go all over town like watching pacman.. sounds shady- and it is. but so is what she doing and its life threatening.
    with this info you can possibly force her into getting help.
    there are a few more options but you get the idea. if you really want to know what going on you easily can. just takes a little detective work. or you could actually go that route and do the whole private investigator thing. i know a guy that did that and his wife was trying to get allimony out of him but when the judge saw those pictures no alimony for her.
    im not at all even suggesting that your wife is doing this...i really dont think she is.
    like i said in my first post. i think she started gettting money and with her new customers and friends she got back into dope-sounds like really bad cocaine- and she NEEDS to be shown how bad off shes getting. on drugs you dont even see how fast you go downhill. i say by doing these things you are not being immoral-you are honoring your vows and protecting her. sticking with it for better or worse in sickness (which this is) and in health.

    about a million people will dissagree with me but this is what i did for a family member who denied having a drug problem. they thanked me later- then threatened me with unspeakable things if i ever did it again.
  11. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Thank you for the advice. I have thought about a PI, cell bill is in my name, and there is nothing shady on it, I believe she has a phone that I do not know about. I have also considered a GPS tracker for her car, but it just seems so wrong to track her, although it is for her own health.
    She has turned her family against me, they believe all of the changes they are seeing in her are because I applied to much stress in opening the bar, so I can not go to them with my concerns.
  12. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    im a former user and this is my advice. i wish someone had done it to me when i first started using and running the streets. whatever you decide ill be praying for you.
    True concern likes this.
  13. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Thanks Josh. Yes I want to help her, I just have to figure out the right approach for me.
    True concern likes this.
  14. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Even if you catch them in the act some people will still deny it. That's how much they believe the delusion. but atleast you would know what is going on for sure.
    True concern likes this.
  15. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    I did catch her and our bar manager snorting it in the basement of the restaurant. She swears it was the first and only time in the last 20 years.
  16. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Yea that's what mine says everytime. It's been months, no it was 3 days ago sweetie
  17. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    i remember holding a beer can arguing with my dad that i wasnt drinking. i was on coke. no lie.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  18. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member


    • We talked for a long time today by phone. I told her that I know what is going on. Surprisingly she responded with of course you do, you know me better than I know myself. I asked her how bad it is, she responded with I cant talk about it, but it is bad and I am getting help. I left it alone.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Just be supportive if she is truly trying to get help,be her husband in the way of your vows "for better or worse"well your stuck in the worse right now but time heals wounds and love and support helps time move faster.I wish I could offer more but I lost my wife year's ago and I've been looking for her ever sense,by that I mean I dream of her nightly wake up and she's not there so if your love is real for her your going to go through hell with her to pull her out.
  20. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    She said she still can not be around me.
    She said that most of the resentment she had for me and the thing that was causing her the most stress was that she had to always be “on” when she was around me, meaning that she had to fake how she was feeling and pretend like everything was OK.