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Wife and cocaine

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Chicagopilot, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Well atleast you know for sure what going on and if she gets help she will be the person you remember. When it comes to drugs and people getting help you cant push them just bring up the postive stuff and stay positive my friend.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Is there any truth to her statement?Do you expect her to always be on her "A" game?
  3. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    No not at all, what she meant is that she felt she has to hide this relapse from me so she had to pretend that everything was OK. I know the signs, I know what to look for and she was so worried about me finding out that she spent every second we were together trying to hide this from me.
  4. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I'm 42 and its took me a long time to realize that me and wife are different people. Sure we share our life together but no matter how much I take care of her and how much money I spend on her I do not own her, she is not a piece of property nor am I to her.

    Do I have expectations, sure I do I think most do but she is her own person and can do what she wishes. I do frown on her actions sometimes but those are her mistakes to make even if they effect me because its my choice to stay with her or not as she does with me when I make my mistakes.

    I tell mine that she dosnt have to be someone she is not around me because I want her to be who she is no matter what, even if she is doing the wrong thing because I will be there to pick her up, I love her unconditionally. I used to be a my way or the highway kind of guy and I was miserable.
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  5. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Same conversation I had with her. I told her that in our home she has no reason to hide anything, and that I love her for who she is.
    She says because I have never been an addict that she has to hide it from me because I will not understand.
  6. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    You sound very much like a reasonable person. I really do hope you guys get it worked out. I can tell your hurting and I'm sorry to see you going through that.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I'm with @Onceaddicted77 You sound very reasonable and caring as well as supportive,the good news is she is starting to open up which means progress is being made no matter how small it may seem.She loves you and didn't want to hurt you,she offered to leave the house but you chose to leave and let her stay...There is mutual love and respect which your going to need as you try to re lay a foundation of trust but the ingredients appear to be right.She has shown her soul to you,opened up and admitted her shame now she will be waiting to see how you react and what effort you put fourth to help you both.I believe you can overcome this as a team,together and that's all marriage is is team work.Maybe offer to help out at the restaurant or bar or whatever but if she allows it just know that's her world and your there to better understand what and why it's so stressful,I wish you both the best of luck and God Bless you both
  8. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Strange part about all of this is that I have always been a social drinker. Today sitting at a bar at 3 in the afternoon I realized I have been drinking 10-20 beers every single day for the last 16 days.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Depression. Stop before it consumes you
  10. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    I am trying. Did not have anything to drink last night and I actually slept better and did not miss her as much.
    I return to my house tomorrow night. She was supposed to go to a hotel but is now saying that she might stay there with me.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    That's wonderful news.I would just throw it out there she is more than welcome to stay,but honestly just be that shoulder,(the one she wants to cry on)let her just open up and maybe you will find out what lane to drive in
  12. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member


    • Here is an update. While cocaine had been used a few times it turns out it was an alcohol problem. I moved back into the house and she went to a hotel, said she needed more time to sort things out in her head. Then Sunday morning at 1AM while she was driving back to the hotel she hit a curb, blew her tire out and got a DUI. I was of course who she called to come bail her out. She came back to the house with me and has been here ever since. She told me everything that was going on and that she wants to work things out with me. But she still seems distant. No affection being reciprocated. But she seems vulnerable. She got a bit crabby with me this morning and instead of arguing I just went upstairs and laid in bed. She Baden it a point to come upstairs and apologize to me and tell me how much she loves me. Something just feels off.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  13. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Thanks for the update glad you guys are working it out. Tbh its probably just shame im sure it has her down. we drug addicts alchohol included have problems with our self esteem and shame is one of them.

    Everyone goes through the same diversities in life we all pretty much have the same problems. But what separates people is their ability to cope with stress and handle problems. Drugs and alchohol are a temporary fix for us to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings or stress.

    Basically we have mental problems that we must address. We lose self love and it makes it almost impossible to show love to someone else. If we dont care enough about ourselves to make better and healthier choices how can we truly care about anyone else.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  14. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    shes in so much pain my friend. just continue to be there thats all i can offer. but i know from an alcoholics perspective that she is thinking even your dog hates her( if you have a dog) and im not being funny.
    thats how it feels.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  15. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    Yes. She is feeling bad about herself. We do have 3 dogs that she cares a lot about.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Addiction is terrible, hard enough to accept on our own let alone to tell someone we love or care about
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  17. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    So crazy. Everything seems fine now. Things are back to normal and we just seemed to have moved past it.
    She is not using, she is not drinking, and she acts like everything is fine. I don’t really know what to make of it.
    We booked a three week trip to Maui over Christmas, I am just so confused.
  18. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    I have been sporadic in being here. I wouldn't trust that everything is back to normal unless she gets help. We can't just stop using. I'm happy you are going on a trip. While your there, talk about her going to rehab or at least attending meetings.If she does have a drinking problem, I hope you sold the bar.
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Why?Why are you confused?
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  20. Chicagopilot

    Chicagopilot Member

    She has gotten into a treatment program and has been clean for a few weeks. She has admitted to having a big problem.
    I was wrong about the cocaine, she was using a little bit but was using oxy, and Dilaudid a lot.
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.