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Wife needing help/guidance

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by jj4284, Sep 15, 2016.

  1. jj4284

    jj4284 Member

    thank you for taking time to help me.
    i have been married to my husband for almost 3 years. we were high school sweeties that took different paths out of HS. 10 years later we found one another again and got married.
    i knew he had been to rehab and was doing great. he has a 12 year old son and i have an 11 year old son.
    shortly after marriage i discovered a pain pill addiction that stemmed from back pain, we eventually had surgery which lead to more pain pills that caused more turmoil. i wanted to run, and i mean run fast, but i knew i had to support him and help him. a year of lies, and counting meds, and tears of frustration he came completely off of opiates after 2 months of horrible withdrawls.
    so here we are, he has not been himself, he sees no interest in working, lies to clients about when he will finish their jobs, or he will just ignore them. He has made up insane stories of things happening and blaming the delay on this wild story. i admit to go through his phone when he started lying, it was the only way i knew what was going on.
    he stays in the garage organizing, moving things, painting his motorcycle just to scrape it off and paint it again. he doesnt sleep. maybe every 2-3 days. about a month of that and he is in the bed with a migraine and does not get up for days. i started paying closer attention, i have asked him if he was doing something and he only denies it and then sulks because i have hurt his feelings. then i feel bad. he says he doesnt sleep bc he has bad dreams. while hes up and im sleeping of course, i work 12 shifts, i found that he is watching porn. i was heart broken. he does not go anywhere with the kids and i and he stays to himself. the only person he talks to is a known drug user/seller.
    a few days ago i checked his phone before he woke up from an all nighter he pulled and this "friend" had text him telling him he left him something at his house and the location of this something.
    so i woke my spouse up asked him to drive me there i wanted to know what it was, he refused and i got angry. we screamed and yelled and he hit things, something he NEVER does. has never yelled at me or lost his temper in front of me, so i knew there was something there. i got in my car drove there and found this something was a little bag of broken glass looking substance. i lost it. i took pictures and got the heck away from there as fast as i could.
    i called his father who went to our home to find my spouse gone. i returned later and he was home ficing the holes he put in the walls, and i told him to leave. then i begged for answers for lies for anything and swears he knows nothing, he is tired of me accusing him and he hasnt done anything wrong.
    he has been gone for 2 days now, slept in his truck in our yard last night, i went out and woke him up and asked him to please talk to me, please tell me something and he still says he knows nothing and hasnt done anything and he came to get tools and he had to go. and he left.
    is there a chance i am crazy?
  2. Donnchadh

    Donnchadh Active Contributor

    No actually your not crazy but judging by your post you will go crazy if he keeps going the way he's behaving. I'm merely going by the information you posted and to be brutally honest I really think he's back on a slippery slope.If he won't talk, he's not sleeping, he's avoiding you I'd be concerned. As for the photographs you took I'm assuming and I stress I'm assuming it sounds like crystal meth I may be wrong but that's what it sounds like to me. For yourself I'd suggest you get involved in NAR ANNON a support group for family and friends of addicts share your thoughts and concerns about what's going on you'll soon find answers and support to help you deal with the situation. All the very best wishes to you xx
    So Lost likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @jj4284... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing so honestly with us. I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time with your husband, but I'm glad you reached out to us.

    Like @Donnchadh said, you are not crazy. From your description of the substance you found and your husband's behavior--especially the only sleeping every 2-3 days--it does indeed sound like he may be using/addicted to crystal meth. If that's the case, things won't get any better until he decides to get help for his problem. Al-Anon teaches us that we didn't cause our loved one's addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. Only the person struggling with addiction can take the action necessary to change. It doesn't matter how much we want them to change. They are the ones in control.

    I agree with @Donnchadh that you should check out Nar-Anon. Or even Al-Anon. Being amongst people who know exactly what you are going through and feeling can be incredibly helpful and comforting. Believe me, you are not alone. At this point, please remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. You need to take good care of you, because your life matters, too. When you love someone who has an addiction problem, self-care is not at all's essential.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can, my friend. Please don't hesitate to lean on us whenever you need us, even if it's just to vent. We will listen without judgment.

    I am sending you positive vibes and lots of hope. Please put yourself first.

    One question: Are both boys staying with you?
    So Lost likes this.