My story is long so I’ll spare you.. To sum it up, my husband has been an addict for as long as I’ve known him. We have been together 13years. He has been an on and off alcoholic since I met him. I always knew they he liked pain pills and they he took them from time to time… but I wasn’t prepared for what our life has become. About 3-4 years ago he started spiraling downwards. He seemed depressed, antisocial and distant. He smiled less and we fought more. He became hostile and mean. It got to the point that I had to ask for a separation about a year and a half ago. 6 months after he moved out, he admitted to being hooked to Ambien for a year or more. He detoxed on my couch and I took him back because I finally had something to blame for the reason he was treating me. Things got a little better for a little while but then they started going bad again quick. I asked for a separation AGAIN.. 5 months after letting him come home. He moved out again. We still talked and spent time together trying to work out our problems. There were lots of times that he looked high or seemed off but he denied being on anything. Recently, the addiction peaked to a point that it was hard to deny. I could see it, I could feel it.. it was getting obvious! He was nodding out. His pupils tiny. He was foggy and forgetful. He was needy and insecure. I confronted him. He admitted to being addicted to pain pills. He admitted to never being sober for more than a day or two in the last 20 years. He admitted to crushing them. He admitted to taking 5 Percocet 30s at a time. All the money wasted. He was just getting to the point of lying, borrowing and stealing. He was just getting to the point where he soon would have switched to Heroin because it is cheaper. Well he finally came clean to me, his parents, his friends. He admitted that he needed help. He went to a 4- day detox treatment center. He came home and he looked alive again for the first time in a LONG time. He looked healthy. Was eating. Of course he was miserable with withdrawal for about 10 days after he got home. But he was doing ok. Until he went back to work.. his work is a cesspool of addicts with every drug imaginable available daily. He admitted to slipping. I could see there was more to it. Days he wasn’t admitting to. I can see it. I can feel it. His eyes. His voice. His body language. He is slipping away from me again and back into his addiction. I finally got him to admit that he is slipping.. but I don’t know what to do to help him. He thinks he can’t be happy sober. He thinks the pills help him. He says he can’t stand living in his own mind. He can’t see the obvious.. they are destroying him! Not helping him!! Me.. I am struggling. I am making mistakes at work. I am consumed with watching.. searching.. trying to read him.. trying to decipher the lies and manipulation that I’m being fed. I am consumed to the point that I am not living my own life. I’m not happy. I’m trying to be selfless and be there for him.. but it is hard! I am trying to be loving and understanding but it is hard! It is hard knowing that he is slipping back. It is hard knowing that he is lying to be again. It is hard worrying about how it will affect our children if it gets control of him again. It is hard!!! Almost unbearable at times. All the nights I pray. All the nights I cry. All the nights I shake uncontrollably because I’m that stressed out that I can’t think straight. The pacing. The searching. The emptiness I feel when he won’t talk to me. When all he wants to do is sleep. The silence when he doesn’t message me. The fear when he isn’t home on time. I feel like the weakest person in the world. I wonder how others do this. How do people live like this. I’ve been reading about boundaries and detachment. I have been reading about codependency and addicts. I am a MESS! I feel like I have no one. Everyone keeps telling me.. you need to be there for him. You need to be selfless. You need to give him space and be supportive. Some say, you need to leave him and move on with your life. Not one person has just held me and let me cry. Not one person has acknowledged how hard it is to be the wife an addict. I feel to utterly all alone in this world. How many friends I have lost because I don’t leave me house often anymore. Too afraid to go anywhere. Too afraid to leave him with the kids. Too afraid to let him drive the kids anywhere. No energy to do anything for myself because living with an addict is so stressful and draining that it takes everything out of me. Too afraid that he might need me. All those friends that are just so sick of hearing me complain about it all. I can’t blame them. I’m just as sick of living it!! Any advice? Any hope? Has anyone had any success with detachment and boundaries? Any advice on how to establish them and enforce them?