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Wife of an addict

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by firefairy, Nov 13, 2015.

  1. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @firefairy... I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well. I think there's a chance that your husband's behavior could be being caused by the meds. Or, at least that the meds are contributing to it. When my son was on that stuff he was pretty lazy and just didn't seem to give a sh*t about anything. Maybe it's something you guys should ask the doctor about.

    You and your kids deserve better. You deserve to live happy, healthy lives. So if your husband's meds aren't contributing to his behavior, I'm not sure what to tell you. I guess I'll just say that you should probably do what's best for you and your children. None of you should have to live the way you're living. Life is supposed to be enjoyable, and you guys deserve that.

    Sending you peace and hugs, my friend.
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @firefairy. I'm sorry too that your home is in such a limbo. I believe that your husband is going through an adjustment phase. He has been strung out for so long he probably just feels safe just to be doing what he is doing. I don't believe that it's intentional either.

    I hear the hurt that you are feeling for your children and yourself because of the distance but you need to turn that around and show that you still love him.
  3. Okaviator

    Okaviator Senior Contributor

    Really all you can do is offer support and be there for him. Try to be understanding and help get him into rehab. Getting mad at him will only make him feel guilty without a way out.
  4. firefairy

    firefairy Member

    Its been awhile since I posted. But things haven't been going so well lately. The aftermaths maybe. Can drug use really destroy a person. Take away their heart and soul and leave nothing but a empty man left? Because that's what my husband is.. An empty man.
    I think I’ve fallen out of love with him. There is nothing there anymore. We don’t talk. We don’t laugh. We don’t have fun together. We don’t have intimacy. We live in the same house together.. that’s it. He comes home from work, eats dinner.. maybe says about 15 words to me. The basics only, like ‘what’s for dinner’ and then he sits on the couch and watches TV and then goes to sleep at like 7pm or early some nights. He is not the man that I married. He has no life inside of him. He puts not effort into our marriage. He’s argument is always the same “I do what I have to do”. Meaning, he goes to work and pays a bulk of the household bills and that’s all he has to do.
    It’s been 7 months since he started the sub and counseling program and he still like a robot. Work, home, sleep. I just can’t live like this anymore. I don’t want this life anymore. Yet he puts it on me.. If I leave him he will go back to using.. that I’m the only thing keeping him clean. So if he goes back to using, my daughters lose their dad. It’s a lot of weight to carry.
    Every morning as soon as I open my eyes, I’m filled with frustration! My mind is angry. So angry at my life. I have to say a mantra in my head to calm my own mind “Not my circus.. not my monkeys!” He makes me feel uncomfortable in my home. When he’s downstairs, I go upstairs. When he’s upstairs . I go downstairs. I just can’t stand to be near him. When I try to talk him, he shuts me down. Literally tells me, he has no interest in the things I have to say. When I ask him do something, he always says no. I have tried! I tried to be the bigger person and push my feeling aside and just keep trying for better days. He makes no effort to return my efforts. He never goes anywhere with me.. and if he does he is miserable anyway. People text or call him, he won’t respond. Stuff like that really bothers me because he didn’t always use to be this cold, distant person. He’s not the man I married. I don’t like the man he’s become. I don’t think he will ever be my “husband” again. I feel so alone in this world. I don’t have many people. The one person I should have at the end of each day, is him.. the man I married. The worst part is, he doesn’t get it. He thinks the way we are living is ok. I come to the conclusion that I don’t think he truly loves me.. I think I’m a convenience. I think he is scared that I can actually do good for myself and find happiness and that scares the crap out of him so he rather keep me living in this hell with him!!!!!
    I told him once before.. If he is living a secret life again. Using or anything shady. If he has to lie to keep me then I’m not his to keep. Let me free.
    A friend of mine won $2500 on a lottery ticket the other day… I was happy for him of course. Him and his wife are going to buy a new couch. But it made me so mad at the universe. So much anger inside of me!!! Why can’t I catch a break?? Why hasn’t one card lined up for me in the past 3+years so that I can escape this nightmare??? $2500 would buy my freedom. It would be enough for me to pay off a few small bills so I could afford to raise my girls alone. It would be a jump start at a new future for me.
    I just have so much anger inside of me right now. I’m angry at him. I’m angry at myself for being a coward. I’m angry at the universe. Most days I feel like a ticking time bomb.
    I needed to vent. Thanks for listening and understanding!
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @firefairy... I'm glad to hear from you again, but I'm so sorry things aren't going well. No one should have to be uncomfortable in their own home. That's certainly no way to live. I think it's time for you to decide what YOU want for YOURSELF going forward. If you're not happy--and it's pretty obvious that you're not--then maybe you should consider leaving, at least temporarily. I know your husband is threatening to use if you leave, but you can't let him manipulate you like that. If you leave and he uses, that's on HIM, not you. It would be sad if he did that, and maybe your daughters would suffer some ill effects from it, but is the possibility of him using again really worth your continuing to be miserable?

    If you absolutely can't leave, would marriage counseling be an option at all? (I'm guessing he probably wouldn't agree to go, but I thought I'd ask anyway.) How about you? Are you practicing self-care? Maybe seeing a therapist or going to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings would help (if you aren't already doing those things). I'm sorry for rambling. I'm just thinking out loud.

    I say this all the time, but you have to remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. Along with your daughters. You need to watch out for yourself and your kids. Your husband is an adult, and is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Apparently he's doing what HE wants to do right now. Maybe it's time for you to do what YOU want to do.

    I hope nothing I said offends you. I'm just trying to offer up some suggestions.

    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, my friend. Remember that you are a beautiful soul worthy of being happy. Life's too short not to be.

    Sending you light, love, and hugs of hope.