@Mizfits... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're in this situation with your wife. If you don't want to go the tough love route--and I certainly don't blame you for that--then I suggest you try to help your wife with love, compassion, and kindness. There's a fabulous book out there called
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people struggling with addiction and it's full of incredibly helpful information. It takes a different approach to helping your loved one. Instead of tough love, anger, etc., it focuses on love, kindness, and empathy. It teaches how to communicate better with your loved one; how to motivate your loved one to
want to change; and--most importantly, I think--how to take care of
yourself while you're dealing with your loved one's issues. Believe me: Self-care is absolutely essential when you're in a position like you're in. I know, because I've been there with my son.
If I were you I would order that book or find it at your local library. And I would read it ASAP. I believe it will help you immensely. In the meantime, know that I'm sending positive vibes and lots of good thoughts and prayers your way. Addiction is a horrible disease that makes people do things they really don't want to do. Try to remember, though: Love the addict, hate the disease.
Peace.