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Wife on opiates

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Mizfits, May 5, 2017.

  1. Mizfits

    Mizfits Member

    So my wife got addicted to pain killers over 16 years ago. (We were not together at this time). Prescribed for back problems. After she was supposed to come off of them she found she was having bad withdrals and put herself into rehab for the chemical addiction . 10 years later we connect and get married. Now her whole life she has always done recreational drugs but mostly pot. Now I've never been against what other people did with there lives but drugs have never been a part of mine so she stopped smoking it. Now since we have been together she still has the back issues but little worse. After a while by doctors orders she was reintroduced to these pain meds. On occasion I would let her smoke a little weed on special occasions and I would have a drink. Well that esculated over time to a major addiction. Found her buying pain killers and other pills. Smoking pot daily. Got to point where she was a zombie,drained credit cards, over limited bank, and tried stealing from me. I finally broke her down through fights and she agreed on rehab. Did 1 week detox, and month and half intensive outpatient. By time she was done was a totally different person and wonderful to be around again. After about 2 months out started to notice a change but nothing dramatic. Kept eye on her hoping just getting back into normal routine. Problem was she refused to go to any meetings stating she dislike being around people with all these problems and doesn't like talking in those groups. After couple months more I started noticing some common symptoms of the previous abuse. After some spy work and digging found that she was smoking pot with a neighbor. Confronted her and of course denies it and lots of arguments. After a while longer symptoms worsened. Anyways long story short have proof now that she has been buying and taking pills again too. Thing is she has everyone blinded that she is recovered and has learned to hide it very well. As her husband of course I can see the changes. I don't have many friends and ones do have agree with her and family aslo.

    SO, what to do. Throughout the last month to show her stand she has stayed over parents house couple times and has everyone convinced that I have it all in my head and they all agree that I need therapy not her. So I went and signed up for couples therapy and in my personal sessions explained to him her addiction and how it was playing out. Now those close to me and the therapist say u need to let her get to point of wanting to admit it and seek help. But as her husband I am seeing how it's going downhill fast in weeks. With no support in confronting her with all the evidence i have how am I to get her to where she needs to be without destroying our relationship. I'm not one of those people who will tough love leave her because of her disease. And she as long as she has everyone else snowed will never admit to it so long as she is getting away with it. On top of that her recovery psychiatrist that med checks her has her on anti anxiety, anti depression, and some other med called gabapentin for a nerve problem in her leg (real) but supposedly helps with something else. Well I know she abuses those now too popping 2 or 3 at a time to get effect when she can't get others. She has real medical needs for some of it but abuses it at same time. So I don't know what to do anymore. She gets it from street AND from the dam psychiatrist that supposed to med check her for abuse after rehab. Btw. She researched and slipped up and let me know that she knows how long each one takes to get out of system so I know she cleans up enough right before med check..

    So lost but can't leave her. Opinions?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Mizfits... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're in this situation with your wife. If you don't want to go the tough love route--and I certainly don't blame you for that--then I suggest you try to help your wife with love, compassion, and kindness. There's a fabulous book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people struggling with addiction and it's full of incredibly helpful information. It takes a different approach to helping your loved one. Instead of tough love, anger, etc., it focuses on love, kindness, and empathy. It teaches how to communicate better with your loved one; how to motivate your loved one to want to change; and--most importantly, I think--how to take care of yourself while you're dealing with your loved one's issues. Believe me: Self-care is absolutely essential when you're in a position like you're in. I know, because I've been there with my son.

    If I were you I would order that book or find it at your local library. And I would read it ASAP. I believe it will help you immensely. In the meantime, know that I'm sending positive vibes and lots of good thoughts and prayers your way. Addiction is a horrible disease that makes people do things they really don't want to do. Try to remember, though: Love the addict, hate the disease.