So I have been married for 12 years to my wife. We have an 8 and 6 year old. She tends to relapse once or twice a year she usually leaves the house when she does. This time she decided to stay home and it has been chaos. I tried to remain calm, but it is difficult. Right now, she hasn’t smoked for 4 days and is on a junk food, sugar and sleep binge. I am tired of it, and just want to give up. But my kids want mommy to feel better, so I help her. She is always sorry and says she really wants to stop, but doesn’t know how to. She tries to keep busy and go to NA meetings, but she seems to keep relapsing. I truly wish she would be sober, but I no longer know how to help her. I don’t talk to no one about this, my family doesn’t even know any of this. Her family stopped talking to her because of this. So I just feel that I am on my own with this situation. I do love her, but I am exhausted. I live with anxiety thinking when will she relapse again, and stop everything, work really, to keep my kids routines normal. I appreciate any feedback.
@Rage23 welcome to the community. I'm an opiate addict. Your wife probably wants to stop but can't. Have you tried talking to her when she is sober? If you Google addiction specialist in your area maybe she can be seen there. Since she goes to meetings it sounds like she wants help but for whatever reason is still not ready to stop. Do you attend Alanon? You may have to make the hard choice to make her leave if she keeps relapsing. Your kids need a sober Mom. There are others here who will post and give you some great reading material for you to learn more about addiction. Please try and remember it's a disease and she is still a good person who does horrible things.
@Rage23 hello and welcome. i'm sure she does want to stay clean.... addiction is a disease of the brain...and for many, unless they are working a solid, consistent recovery program, they are prone to relapse. has she been to counseling? a long period of counseling with an addiction specialist? i believe it's valuable to reach our for help professionally when we can't do it on our own... and yes, nar-anon may help you out... give you a support system, b/c i know you are tired. also, check out the book, beyond addiction: how kindness and science help people change. might help you. come here anytime for some support. we are here!
I have a strong feeling she does want to stop, but really doesn’t know how. We live in Mexico, and the inpatient facilities are not adequate, as in no medical doctors, therapist or any psychologist or psychiatrist. So unless you have $6,000 dollars a month for a really good one, you get put in a facility and kept busy until you sober up. I feel my wife needs a good therapist, someone that can guide her and understand that addiction. I truly cannot understand it and just want it gone.
@Rage23 do some research for online therapists... ones that may do online video meetings. for example, i was in san miguel de allende and met a shaman who was also a therapist...and he offered face to face and video meetings... i'm sure there are others...
@Rage23... I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your wife, but I'm glad you found us and reached out. I agree with everything @DoxyMom and @Dominica have told you. Your wife isn't a bad person; she has a disease called addiction. And, unfortunately, you can't fix her, no matter how much you want to. It would be really great if she could get the help she needs, so please try doing some research like Dominica suggested. Also, check out that Beyond Addiction book. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people struggling with addiction, and it's full of very useful information. You can access the PDF version of the book online at this link: https://motivationandchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Beyond-Addiction-Book-PDF.pdf There is also a companion workbook that you can access here: https://the20minuteguide.com/partners/introduction-partners-guide/ We are here to help, support, and listen. You are not alone, my friend. You're in a tough spot, for sure, but you have to take good care of yourself and your children. Look for Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings in your area. They are international groups, so you should be able to find meetings. They would really help you, I think. Sending you and your family lots of positive, healing vibes. And lots of hope.