Hi I'm not really sure what i'm looking for here but i feel pretty lost and down and i cannot talk to anyone I know about this. My wife is pretty much my world, she's an intelligent, caring, lovely girl who actively makes everyone else feel better about themselves. We've been together for nearly 10 years and married for two. In a nutshell, a few weeks ago, my wife told me she has been taking cocaine on nights out with her friends recently (She's 28 and had never done drugs). While i do not judge what others do, I personally despise drugs. I have grown up around drugs since i was a kid, I've seen friends nearly die, I've seen good people get themselves in to financial trouble, I've even lost contact with my little brother as he became addicted to cocaine and i could not help. To me it causes nothing but pain and misery despite the actual point of doing it. Having run nightclubs in the past i have seen how drugs affect people and I felt paranoid for a few weeks before she told me this as she had lost two phones and stayed at her friends house even though it was easier for her to come home after her nights out. She then slept all day and was fairly lethargic after these nights out. When she told me i initially left her out of the shock and the sickness i felt inside that my little queen could do such a thing. Eventually i plucked up the courage to return and we spoke about it in detail (which naturally did not help). She tells me its no big deal, she doesn't need it, and she can go out without it, she just "tried" it on FIVE different occasions as she was out with her friends and they were doing it...... For my part i know what is done is done, she now knows how i feel. The problem is i now just feel paranoid and sick every second of every day! I know how quickly things can develop in to a problem, I have to believe her but its honestly insufferable how i feel now. I even went and stood outside the nightclub she was in the other night waiting to see how she was when she left. I check her bags now when shes not around, i even find myself sitting there watching her to see if her body is giving off any signs. Its a pretty **** way of living and I need to trust her and move on but the question is HOW? We've always had so much trust where we both go and do our own things without a barrage of messages and phone calls asking who we are with, where we are, what time we're home.... But now i feel like I have to be that person even though its not what either of us want!