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Will a meth addict ever change?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by shindiggermate, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. I have been in a literal living hell with my husband ever since we got married. He is currently in jail for hitting me because I didn't want him to get high and I was trying to leave. We have two very small children and I have this illusion in my head of us being a happy family one day, every time he is in rehab or jail he promises the world to me and says he will stay sober but this never happens.

    I love him and I don't know what to do, so my question is can a drug addict actually change? or am I wasting my life thinking he ever will change?
    amin021023 likes this.
  2. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think everyone has the potential to change. I don't know if that's me living in a fairytale land, but I do hold that hope. I have heard though that meth is one of the harder drugs to come clean on. I haven't got any firsthand experience with meth though. I've known people that have been addicted to other substances that have gone through recovery and come out the other side and never touched anything again so I do believe 100% that it can be done. Sometimes I truly think that being an addict and going through recovery makes you realize just HOW destructive drugs can be - and if anything makes you a huge advocate for not touching drugs whatsoever.

    I do hope things work out for you though, particularly for the sake of your kids. Please keep us updated and if you need to vent there's plenty of people here to listen.
  3. Totalarmordestine

    Totalarmordestine Senior Contributor

    Meth alters the brain permanently. It is a very, very, very, hard addiction to overcome. Even if he is able to stop using he will never be the same person he was before. My opinion is that life is too short to waste it waiting for someone to become the person you want them to be - it may never happen. Only you can decide if you are willing to life your life that way.
    Samanthak and kgord like this.
  4. tarverten

    tarverten Senior Contributor

    Unfortunately the statistics on successful rehab of drug addicts is miserable. Well over 90% stay addicted. So the chances are he will never change. Your dreams are great and if it gives you more comfort to have the dreams and that comfort can offset the reality of your life with an addict, then hold on to your dreams. But cold-blooded, dispassionate advice would be to leave him now. Don't wait until he gets more violent or hurts the kids.
    kgord likes this.
  5. blastguardgear

    blastguardgear Senior Contributor

    Drug addicts can change. However, with a drug like meth it is extremely difficult for a recovered addict to stay clean. Unless he gets clean and you guys remove him and your lives from all the previous stresses I doubt that he will ever change. In other words he needs to get clean and then you guys need to move away and cut off all contact with the people and situations that contributed to him using. I hope things work out for you.
    Pauly likes this.
  6. thepieeatingjay

    thepieeatingjay Senior Contributor

    Once someone is on meth, even after they can "kick it", their minds have gone through substantial changes, never to return to the "state of mind" they had previously.
    I have a family member that has been on it the last ten years. She is not even allowed to visit her own senior parents, for fear of them being assaulted or every piece of furniture stolen from them.
    Remember: It's not what we SAY that defines us; it's what we DO.
    Meth heads will talk up a blue storm. But they never DO anything.
    If your husband is sincere, you'll SEE if he is by what he DOES.
    Talk is cheap.
    I'd like to see you have your heart's desire, but I think it is a very long shot.
    Sorry, and Good Luck
    Samanthak likes this.
  7. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Anyone can change. That is one of the very few certainties in the world. He can change if he wants to and gets the help he needs. But just be careful of what happens in jail. There is no much drugs being moved around in jail. Sometimes I think it even rivals the public areas.
    Neveragain29 likes this.
  8. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    In a situation like this you probably should not allow him to return to the home with you and the children until he gets and stays clean for some time. You don't need to give us hope or divorce him, but separation may be necessary for your safety. I have seen God radically change someone who was a meth addict. Have you ever heard of Teen Chalenge? It's a large organization that also has adult programs now. I would highly recommend it, the radio station I listen to KLOVE, has many stories of teens and adults who have successfully gotten off drugs or alcohol and found a new life after going through the program.
  9. princepts

    princepts Member

    Change is a low hanging apple for any of us. We have to make the effort to reach for it. It sounds like your husband has hit a brick wall. For most of us in recovery, change comes due to an encounter with life's brick and mortar incidents. Maybe this stint in jail will be enough to plant a seed in him to want to change. However, if it does not fuel the passion to change, he is still never without hope. As human beings, we have such a knack for selfishness. We will place everyone in our life on the altar to be sacrificed - so long as it means we still have a venue for our addiction. We change and addiction grows the monster that spews the fire that rips families and destroys relationships. On that same theory, we have such strong will as well. The obsessiveness that prompted us to keep using, can shift the gears and give us the determination we need to subdue that beast.

    Listen, I cannot say to you that you should not love your husband. But I will say this. Right now, your #1 priority is those precious children that you brought into this world. They are more important than your husband's chances at sobriety. The reflection of love is very powerful. Your husband has no right to ever lay a hand on you, for any reason. You never deserve to be treated as such. Perhaps the best thing that you can do at this time is to create distance between you (you keep your children....protect them) and your husband. The distance you create will allow him to see exactly where he wants to be. He will see you and your children, living life and pursuing the happiness that you deserve and he will be confronted with choices. When he realizes that you guys are not going to be in the gutter with him, he will have some serious decisions to make. Let him see your progressions. Let him see that you are away, because you are protecting your children. Love your children with all of your might. The reflection of this love will shake him. Love is the only thing that can obliterate the beast of addition and present the manifest destiny of "change" for the addicted. Don't you give up....
  10. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Welcome to the forums @shindiggermate I'm so sorry for what your husband has put you through. His homicidal (hitting you) tendencies because of his drugs will endanger your and your little girls' lives. He will change IF he WANTS to. He has to decide that desire for himself. Will you contact your family and loved ones? Or have some loved ones help you move another state where you can be safe and find recluse for yourself, and secure place for your children? You may report/recommend him to a rehab coordinator who has a genuine care for other people and value for their lives. There might be a local assembly/church who are willing to help him?

    Please be strong for your children. You are the only key to providing peace, security, love and kindness for your children. Please take care.

    Sincere love to you and your little girls.
  11. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    It's true that anybody can change, but I have never seen anybody I know fully recover from meth addiction. I went through he'll with my alcoholic ex and every time I took him back it got worse and worse. I finally had to think about my kids and let him go. He had great potential and loved our two girls, but he was abusive and drunk to the point where I couldn't trust him with their safety. You must do what's right for your little ones.
  12. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    It is a terrible addiction as it also effects the brain and someone who has been on the stuff does not fully recover physically or mentally. It is what every user has to deal with, a struggle for the rest of your life. Group meetings, sponsors and the strength to fight the urges are something that has to be a part of a daily routine for the rest of the users life. Family support is important too.
  13. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    For you I would say that you should walk away and get a fresh start for your children as it is not fair on them to have to go through this each time. Yes people can change but for many users, the drugs are easy to get in jail and change is something that just doesn't happen. Get away, start over and perhaps he might miss you all one day and come back to you as a changed man but in reality 99.9% of the time that doesn't happen.
    Montana likes this.
  14. Montana

    Montana Member

    My husband was addicted for over a year. Then I tried it. It wasn't his fault, I brought some stuff home, I worked a night shift every night and stayed up with my daughter all day. Someone told me it would help keep me awake. Together we were addicted for three years. We fought all the time, our relationship became more about our next hit than our daughter who wasn't even two when I started the drug. I kicked him out last November. I've been clean since. But only because I found out two week after I kicked him out that I was pregnant. I struggle every day. My biggest fear is going back to the drug after I have my baby boy. I'm not going to lie. I think you need to cut your ties. Meth addiction is the hardest thing to over come and you can't trust an addict. I've been there and I was married to one. They aren't your husband. They aren't your son or you cousin or you brother or sister. They are an addict. They will lie and steal and do whatever they need to to get that next hit. Their minds aren't functioning like they should anymore. There is nothing more important than the next bag. They can't love, they aren't happy... They can pretend otherwise, but all they are is an addict. The hardest thing I face is knowing that even though I was in her life, I wasn't a mother to my daughter for three years. I wasn't a wife. I was addict. I still consider myself an addict. I've been clean for about eight months now and I still wake up in sweats wanting it. It's always on my mind. Always. It's going to come down to who is stronger. Me or the drug. And I'm terrified I'm going to lose the fight.
    gemini777 likes this.
  15. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Please @Montana and @shindiggermate Do not fear... I will be praying with you both. Your struggles can be fought with courage, bravery, love and sound mind. Your Spirit within you only wants the good, the Truth and freedom for you. Do not fear, my dear children ( I'm a parent of several young people :)) You will be triumphant. Believe me, you are so much loved!

    Thank you for joining us here. Sincerely.
    Neveragain29 likes this.
  16. seatones

    seatones Member

    There's always a potential to change, but it's really up to that person unfortunately. It's really hard to say if he ever will change because something in his mind will have to change, which is completely unpredictable. He could wake up one day and realize the havoc that his actions are causing, but it's not something to count on. It would be incredibly great if he does and there's a possibility he will, but there's a strong possibility that he will continue doing what he's doing. I pray for you and your situation and if it doesn't happen I hope you can find happiness elsewhere.
  17. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I don't think a meth addict could ever change... I'm sorry... And even if they quit abusing the drug, they won't be the same as before. I met former meth addicts and their life just seemed drained from themselves, from their eyes.

    But hey, that's just an opinion, maybe you husband will be able to change. Stay positive, and I wish the best for you.
  18. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    With a lot of inner support as well as from other people, he might potentially change, but restrain your hopes because it doesn't happen in an instant. This drug takes over your head easily and fuses one in a very bad person.
  19. dillybar22

    dillybar22 Member

    I was a user for six months straight and was very well at hiding it. Did more than anyone should and it literally slowly destroyed my life. The only thing I did was kept honest to myself and close loved ones about my mess ups when I was trying to recover and it helped me a lot. Seeing my loved ones disappointed killed me. So if I told them and was honest the guilt eventually helped me kick it. It was hard. Now I take tons of vitamins and eat healthy gained 20 pounds and also have anxiety disorder and depression that I have never had to deal with in my life before. But all in good time I hope with the right medication and mindset I will still fully recover. God bless good luck! Stay honest!
  20. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    It is not easy to finally tell yourself that your partner is not going to change if he has done this for so long. It is draining emotionally for you and the children and a fresh start could be what will kick your husband into shock to want to get better. You get to start over and he gets a second chance in time to come. Think about the damage its doing to your child.