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Will a meth addict ever change?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by shindiggermate, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    I can understand how you and others can find other peoples opinions concerning addicts to be negative. It is true that this forum is here to support and encourage others. Addicts certainly can and do change. The sad fact is there are some people who do not change and die. I do not like to even write this, nor wish it on anyone, but everyday this happens somewhere in the world. This is why we are all here to try to stop the addictions whether it is us addicted or a loved one.

    So, we must keep in mind that when dealing with these life and death situations, sometimes when other people are in the midst of dealing with an addict in their life or have had such a terrible consequence and experience with a loved one being an addict that did not end well, there are unresolved emotions and issues. It is up to us to spread the hope and love, but we are far from perfect. I know that I have my good and bad days and who knows what is going to come out of my mouth on a day that I have reached a high frustration level of despair.
    Drandolph likes this.
  2. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I agree that some people don't change. But those people aren't the ones reading that post. 2 types of people are going to read that, people who want to change and people who hope a loved one changes.
  3. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    I agree! Most people on this forum are here to change or here in hope to help a loved one to change. It is just that sometimes in the heat of despair we give up hope. Hopefully this is just a passing emotion, because you are so right we should never give up hope because change is possible! This is why I say that we need to be understanding or at least I understand when people say an addict can not change. But you are so right, we do not need to nor should we agree that people can not change! Understanding does not equate to agreeing with... but empathy goes a long way in the healing process no matter if you are the addict or trying to help an addict.
  4. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    I can feel your pain. You and your children definitely don't deserve going through this situation. He had so many opportunities to change and he didn't do it. You should leave him and think about yourself and your children.
  5. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Empathy can be a blessing and a curse. But without it you won't make it very far.
  6. michaelrydell

    michaelrydell Member

    Good luck to you and your family. It is so hard, I know. He may need ongoing treatment and counseling for many, many years. There is help out there, but it will be up to him to stay connected and driven to recover. Take care of your children, and also yourself because your kids need you!
    LilAnn likes this.
  7. mailen

    mailen Member

    I have seen families who have fathers abusing methamphetamine. It became really hard for them to cope with it especially the children. They have seen their parents fighting all over again. I think having someone in the family abuse a certain substance negatively like methamphetamine is really hard to deal with. I haven't encountered a family who has overcome such thing. I think its useless for families especially with children to suffer such kind of trauma knowing that it will never work for them. I suggest they rehabilitate the addict and move on with their lives. It's better for them to stay away from someone who doesn't care for them, than to endure a painful and traumatic life with them. The life of the children I think is much more important than someone who wastes his or her life.
  8. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    There is hope. I always pray for those people who struggle with such addictions, I know there are a lot of people who had a miracle in their life and they've believed in God and then they were set free, we need more people to stand up and say there is hope.
  9. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    Getting caught up i an addiction doesn't mean they don't care about their children. I've seen families who HAVE recovered from it. Giving up hope on someone should never be the first option. If they're with someone who would leave them when they were in trouble, without even giving them a chance, is only going to hurt them.
  10. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Anyone has the ability to change their life for the better, but they have to WANT to change. The only way an addict can be successful in recovery is if they make the ultimate decision that they are done with the drug. Meth is not nearly as hard to get off of as like a heroin addiction, so there is hope that your husband can change if he makes the commitment. Sometimes you have to leave in order to show him that you are serious about you not accepting his drug use. Your ultimate responsibility is to take care of yourself and your child to ensure everyone's safety. Perhaps once your husband knows how serious you are about him quitting, to the point you moved out, it may be the rock bottom he needs to start getting better.
  11. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I absolutely agree. If an ultimatum doesn't get through to them, sometimes you have to make them see what they're risking. I just don't believe all hope is lost.
  12. ktdid

    ktdid Member

    Wow. There are some fucked up responses from some people who must have a great view from their high horse and soapboxes. I am a meth addict. Im clean, but I recently slipped. I have scratched and clawed for every second of sobriety I've ever had. But from the majority of responses on this thread, it's a lost cause. No chance for us meth addicts, huh.
    Maybe a better response would be to validate their concerns, and suggest some healthy boundaries. No, she should not have to be a doormat, but she did make vows to this man, and I imagine she loves him. Do Whatever you can to facilitate his sobriety, but don't do it at your children's or your expense. Maybe losig something as important as his family will knock some sense into him.
    LilAnn likes this.
  13. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I can't imagine going through that. I tried meth one time, and it was only because I smoked a joint that I didn't know was laced. For some reason, I have been willing to try anything once except for meth and heroin. I have always been terrified of those because I've seen how easily good people can become addicted, and I have an extremely addictive personality. I don't believe I could ever be strong enough to pull myself out of that.
  14. SLTE

    SLTE Community Champion

    Sure, he could change. Everyone has the capacity to change, with time, and effort, and willpower. The question, though - one others have already asked, I'm sure, though I haven't read everything in this thread - is whether or not he's willing to put in the effort. It's also not fair to you to have to wait long enough for him to change. Yes, supporting an addict can help put them on the road to recovery, but you have to ask yourself if it's worth the potential pain to yourself.

    I try not to condemn anyone too harshly when they're addicted to something, because the addiction can control their actions to an extent. Still, you need to do what's best for yourself.
  15. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    Yes they can change but only if they really “want” to, seek help and really try. After what you have shared he does not sound like he wants to there is NO thing you can do to change that; no matter how much you love him!
    He has already proved he can be mean and violent and it will only be a matter of time that he hurts one of your children. In my opinion every minute that you sit there and wait for him to get out is another minute, month, year and life time that you are losing life love and happiness.
    We can all sit here and give you advice however we do not walk in your shoes. You are the only one that can make the decisions about your life. Yet I vote go, live your dream, your illusion of a happy family can be reality; just maybe not with him. Best wishes in a long powerful journey.
  16. neighborsboy

    neighborsboy Member

    Hello! I am sorry you are going through a very trying time. I have read all the other comments that have been posted and they all are real good. Each comment is all about perception relating ones own experiences. Well, here is my thoughts on the matter and I hope it helps. These comments are based solely on my first hand experiences. Some individuals use drugs, alcohol, whatever as an excuse so they do not have to take responsibility for their actions? Also, "Meth" is a hell of a drug which has a SEVERE impact on all aspects of one life. I might also add that they are "NEGATIVE" impacts, no matter how much the one using says different. I have done the drug off and on for years. Seen damn near every situation it starts and stops. I truly believe that if one wants to stop...one can. I would only give an attic one chance and one chance only...because everything else would be setting yourself up for failure. A relationship with "Stipulations" tied to it will never work. If your spouse wanted to change...it would have already happened. In reality that individual chose "METH" over everything. So I believe you would be setting yourself up for a long hard road full of disappointments, and regrets. I feel that life is too short for that. I mean really all one could ever hope for is to love and be loved. I hope every who reads this finds it at least once in their life. Take care and good luck.

    "Be Easy!" Neighborsboy;)
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2015
  17. JohnBeaulieu

    JohnBeaulieu Community Champion

    You just can't define something like this by the substance. It is a mountain of things that can have an affect on whether they will change and every situation is different.
  18. Faygo1224

    Faygo1224 Active Contributor

    I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time in your life right now. To answer your question, yes he can change BUT that all depends on his willingness to do so. All too often we think that we can change others' drug habits. Realistically however we cannot.

    The cliche that a person won't change until they're ready is very true. You may want him to change but in all actuality he may not be ready,not today or even years from today. The best thing that you can do right now is focus on your family. As he goes into a downward spiral you have to make sure you're daily is taken care of.

    I would really move out especially if he is being abusive. That environment is not safe for your family. If you want any assistance or need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1800-799-7233.

    Again, he will change when he is ready. At this point, you have to focus on the safety of your family. Good luck and I hope everything works out for the best.
  19. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I believe that it is possible for an addict to be totally clean or change. I have watched some real life stories shows of those who have fully recovered.
    It will be hard to tell if a person will really change his ways or just saying those words to convince you to stay. I think that if it makes your life worst especially for your children to hang on in such relationship, better to think first of the kids if what will be the best for them.
  20. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    Of course he can change, but it doesn't sound like he wants to. It sounds like you're in a situation with someone that isn't going to be making the choice to live sober anytime soon, if ever. In my opinion, I think you should remove yourself entirely. This is extremely damaging to your child and you are obviously not happy. You said it yourself, you are worried he won't change. You're asking people if it's possible, but alas it's never happened in his situation. I think you need to sit down and really think about this situation because it isn't a good one.