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Will a meth addict ever change?

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by shindiggermate, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. explorerx7

    explorerx7 Senior Contributor

    There is the possibility that he could change. It will not be an easy feat however, meth is deemed to be the drug that creates the greatest level of psychological dependency, therefore, it's probably more difficult for a person to wean themselves from this drug than any other drug. The current situation is not a desirable state of affairs for you and the children; you have to look at the possibly of you and the children getting out of the situation.
  2. rajesh

    rajesh Senior Contributor

    It's hard, but it's not impossible. It is not guaranteed that he will change nor it is guaranteed that he will not change. After someone starts to taking this drug, the mindset of an individual changes completely and it always becomes very hard for the individual to overcome this addiction. There are many success stories available on the Internet that proves that one can change. I also believe in the fact that every individual has the potential of changing himself/herself.
  3. Buttercup

    Buttercup Member

    There is hope. I used meth for 22 years. 2 of my husbands used also,and we were all physical abusers to one another.About,15 years into my addiction I began injecting meth. I went to treatment inpatient & outpatient,and detox on & off for 5 years. I had my children taken away from me for 2 1/2 years.just to get clean for 6 months & using again. I finally got clean the day that I dropped to my knees & said."God,I can't do this anymore!" That was when I was finally sick & tired of being sick & tired. Trying to get clean & stay clean for my Mom,for my kids,for my husband,etc wasn't the answer. When I finally decided that I wanted to be clean was when it clicked. I have 13 years clean now, one day at a time. The only advice I can give you is what worked for my family. Set boundaries,tough love! You can support the addict in pursuing recovery,but you can't fix them. Protect yourself & your children & get into an Alanon program so that you can understand the disease & what it does to your loved one. You are in my prayers <3
    hope4usmn and deanokat like this.
  4. hope4usmn

    hope4usmn Member

    Thank You Widow for your post, it seems so many people say, " I give up, "there's no hope, its there choice. But there always has to be Hope I think. I find solace in your story and will keep my "hope" my daughter will find her way out of this dark place she is in.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @hope4usmn... I left you a lengthy comment in another thread that you posted in. Be sure to look for it. And know that I'm keeping good thoughts and praying for you, your daughter, and your grandkids.
  6. brandygrove

    brandygrove Member

    As much as i hate to say it, i do truly doubt that it can happen. at the end of the day, anything is possible but mind you meth is one of the top difficult drugs to get over an addiction. i would know. i grew up with a drug abusing father, he would be in a good mood then a bad mood and manipulate me in many ways that are hard to talk about to this day. my dad said he would change, he never did. he continues to do this drug after everything we've tried. please leave him, you'll find yourself so much more happier. plus, if you have kids... its a living HELL.
  7. Dollphace20

    Dollphace20 Member

    I was a meth addict for a year using every day heavily. I didn't eat.. Rarely slept, and just stopped going home. I moved dope house to dope house. As long as there was dope I was happy and people to hang out with. It changed me from shy to super and made me a better version of myself. (Or so I thought.) I thought it made me into a better me. But I was the "better me" so long one day while looking at old pictures of me sober on Facebook while I came down I got very sad. I looked at my once long pretty dark thick hair,.. Now orange blonde and fried. Meth made me think I was so pretty (cheekbones became more prominent and lost weight ((too much I was a skeleton))) that I thought the only thing that would make me prettier was being blonde. Wtf. Sober me had always loved and taken pride in being a brunette. I realized I wasn't me at all anymore. I didn't know who the **** I was but I didn't talk to any of my old friends anymore and my family hadn't seen me for weeks and just one night earlier I had woken up in the middle of the night to the dude I was staying with Tommy and his dope whore Margret just eating bowls of cereal pulled up next to my bed in dining chairs in the dark. What the ****. I haven't used since February 27 2013 and I'm 20 now. People can change. I would never do that **** again. I quit cigarettes recently too. When I first got clean I became a huge pothead for the next three years pot helped me step down to full on sobriety. I just recently quit smoking weed because it made me too anti social at work and I was abusing it. He can change.. I tried to quit meth maybe two or three times for real before I did it. Don't leave if you love him. Show him his old pictures. Explain the "better you" it makes you feel like isn't better and isn't even actually him. The true him is sober him and that's who you love. The devil has been inside of him and drugs is a bag full of tricks for the devil to use. The devil wants divorce. He wants families ripped apart. Tell him this.. ask him not to allow the devil the power to get inside of him and try to ruin both his and your life.. He has to stay clean and the devil will have no more power over him to try to destroy both of your lives.. I got clean and I am happy. My friend Sierra an iv user got clean and is happy. I know more people. My friend Katie too. Please try to work it out
    deanokat likes this.
  8. drugwidow

    drugwidow Member

    I found this site yesterday, and have read and read. I hope and hopeless, both at the same time. My husband of 17 years is a meth user and pot smoker. He is without a doubt the finest man I have ever known, and loved. He will do anything, for anybody. But....the power of meth is more than I can handle. He has used drugs of all sorts for 50 years!. He was on probation when I met him, and was clean. That's the man I love. The minute he was off probation he went back to doing meth with his ex wife, who was with him when they were arrested. She had a lighter probation because being the man he is, he took full responsibility. We've been arguing ever since. It's been 7 years. I finally told him he had to leave, and he is in the process of doing that. I have grown children and have 2 teenage grandchildren. I worry about how their lives would be affected if their "Papa" were to get busted, and the news would be out, in our small town. I have a job in which I handle lots of money. My association with meth could get me fired. My daughter is a teacher. Parents of students could ask for her resignation, just by association. My son has a position as an elected official. He could be destroyed, by association. I worry about the "what if". He does not. He says he doesn't live his life by what if's. I have to. It's my job to protect my family.
    I fear my husband being arrested. I fear my husband destroying his life, mind, and body, right before my eyes. I thought we had the fairy tale, the happily ever after. But my whole world has fallen apart. I have more pain than I ever thought humanly possible to have to bear.
    My husband has God in his life. Not a church-goer, but a personal relationship. He talks to God. I've heard how some people "find God" and get off drugs. He already HAS God, and still meth is more powerful than anything in his life. He says he doesn't "need" meth, but he likes it. He says he is not walking away from me, but walking "to himself". The drug is who he is, is what he's telling me.
    I can't fight the drug any more. I can't compete with the euphoria. I'm trying so hard to understand, but I've never been a drug user. I don't know how it feels to need the euphoria. To me, it's as if the most beautiful, enchanting woman has seduced him into believing she is everything he will ever need. But she will kill him, or destroy him.
    He doesn't believe meth is addictive, or harmful in any way to his body or mind. He says meth gives him "clarity" to see things better and more clearly.
    I guess I'm just looking for hope, and praying for a miracle. I think at this point, only a Divine intervention will save him. Even if God decides it's too late for my husband and me, I still pray that God can somehow get the drugs out my husband's life - for him.
    I'm sorry for such a long post. My first post. Can someone please tell me what to do with the pain? The feeling of worthlessness?
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @drugwidow. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through with your husband. There's no doubt that loving an addict is incredibly taxing, emotionally and physically.

    There's a really great book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people with addiction and it is full of incredibly helpful information. It will teach you more about addiction, tell you how to best communicate with your loved one, what you can do to help motivate them to want to change, and--most importantly--how to take care of YOURSELF while you do all those other things. I think getting the book and reading it would be great for you.

    You've been through so much. I hope you realize that YOUR LIFE MATTERS, too. You need to practice self-care and not allow yourself to be addicted to your husband's addiction. Like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach, "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." If your husband wants to change, be supportive. But if he doesn't, realize that you have to care for YOU.

    We are here to help, support, and listen. Reach out anytime. You are not alone, my friend.

    I'm sending you lots of positivity and hope. And big hugs.
  10. drugwidow

    drugwidow Member

    Thank you, Deanokat. I will find that book. And thank you for welcoming me. I would never have imagined I would end up needing a place to turn to. But I'm so glad you are all here.
    I may be way off track here, but I am convinced the Devil himself has come for my husband. He's been trying for decades to bring my husband to him. I pray God intervenes, and gives my husband the sight to see this, and the fight to beat this demon.
    I will always be there for my husband, if he wants or needs me. He will have my heart - whether he wants it, or not. I won't give him a place to do the drugs, though. If he ever chooses love over getting high, I will be there if he lets me in. It may be too late for us to be us again, but I can't believe it will ever be too late for him to win this battle if the time comes that that's what he wants.
    This site is very appreciated!
    deanokat likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You're very welcome, @drugwidow. You may also want to check the below website out. It's a companion to the book I recommended to you. Just click on the "I Am a Partner" link when you go to the site:

    I will be keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

  12. Samanthak

    Samanthak Member

    I wish I could tell u it will all work out.. but.. more than likely he won't stop. I sounded just like u. My boys r now 13,14 their father was using had a car accident, the accident resulted in a death and him spending 8 yrs in prison. He got out...and went right back. He is out now and has nothing to do w the kids. I really believe the only way a meth addict has a chance is moving far away from home. Starting over. I wish the best for u and your kids.
  13. drugwidow

    drugwidow Member

    Thank you. I know you're right. I had my husband move out. I couldn't understand how a person could give up their home and family for drugs, but have now realized he didn't "give up" anything. He got me out of the way of his one true passion in life - meth. Nothing, and no one on this earth is going to stop him from using. I pray that God will intervene, but even that doesn't seem likely at this point. He's been using for decades. He's very good at deceiving. He's made an art of it, and a life of it. I love him with all my heart, but will not let him hurt me anymore. The pain now will subside, in time. If I stayed with him, the pain would be every day, for the rest of my life - or his. It's been a very tough lesson to learn, and the future without him is frightening. I will survive, and eventually will be happy. I pray for everyone out there, going through similar heartache. Hang on tightly to what you hold dearest. You will make it. God help us all.
    Samanthak and deanokat like this.
  14. Drandolph

    Drandolph Member

    I do not condemn the poster that stated thus. It is a forum for addiction. .recovery and hope.
    But I will admit ive downed myself for not seeing the signs of my bfs addiction to meth.
    By the time I was sure and he admitted to it?was 1.5 years later after I loved this awesome person but confusing at times?After I was invested?
    I was angry. Felt betrayed. . Im still on the fence if he is able to recover after 17 years of off and on meth addiction.
    Im wondering if leaving isnt the best option? I dont want to give up on him but at the same time? Who is going to care or worry about me?A Paradox To be certain.
    I feel I held things together I kept hope alive. I cared for him and loved him when he was at his worst.
    So im wondering if this forced prop 36 is going to last?
    He doesn't talk to me. Hes home every night he eats and sleeps.
    I see him setting routines waking up at the same time.he checks in with testing every day at 6am. He wakes up this early on weekends and goes walking for 2 to 3 hours playing his pokemon go. I do not bug him I let him be I know hes going through transition...
    But we havent been intimate in 2 months . He is playful and funny like ge use to be but Im young and miss the other romantic part but I am patient. He tells me he loves me very much but i dont see or feel it.
    So i think we need to be tolerant of comments posted because while this site was created for those needing help with addiction? We cannot forget the truth..
    Drug addicts do what they want because they are addicted they don't recognize anything else i e the parents siblings and friends that suffer along side them.
    Where is the compassion for them?
  15. I have read all of these thoughtful replies, and I wish I could say they were all wrong, but they probably aren't .
    The drug use issue aside, you shouldn't stay with someone who hit you. Not even once.
    Or stay with someone because you hope they will change.
    It's so hard to give up and let that dream die, I know. I've been in your shoes.
    Even worse, I became an addict myself. A highly functional one certainly, but an addict none the less. I am aware of all of the changes that have taken place in myself, but I'm helpless to stop.
    I wish more than anything I could turn back time, but I can't.
    The depression is like a yawning black abyss, that's waiting to swallow me. It's frightening. It shrinks the entire world down to just me and the abyss. It never lessens the love I feel for my children or grandchildren or loved ones, but the abyss squeezes so hard, it tries to make me believe they would be better without me.
    Yes, it changes the brain. Forever.
    If it were me, I would always wish him the best, but move on from my hopes of a life with him.
    But that's just me...
    deanokat likes this.
  16. Neveragain29

    Neveragain29 Member

    Dear heart,

    I am/was living the same hell. My fiance is an addict and I found out the hard way.
    The question shouldn't be if they'll change, but question all that he's done. He put his hands on you. That is awful and there's no love in that. When they take drugs they are literally turning themselves into a demon. That is what he has become.
    Everyone has to figure out their own battles, I certainly did. I will pray for you as you figure yours out. Think about your children and your safety. Demons do not care about anything other than the ruin of souls.

    Blessings dear one.
    Dominica likes this.
  17. Walker2012

    Walker2012 Member

    I need some help..

    My boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half. Prior to us meeting in 2015 he had a bad mishap with meth. He was on it for 18 days straight( this is what he told me) he got clean and went to counseling because he has a son and was fearful of losing not the right to see him. From that point throughout the years he has used but not consistently. Since we have been together he has used, behind my back 4 times and I have found out every time, the last time was in December.

    Last night he said he couldn’t stop thinking about wanting to do it.. he said he has to do it..
    He said he wants to do it one more time with me knowing that way it can be his last time ever and he can quit on his terms without having to on hide it from me and worry about getting caught. He wants to enjoys it one last time and be done..

    I don’t know what to do. I love him so very much. I just think that this “one last time” thing with me knowing is just another way for him to be able to Use again. Then he will keep wanting to use and say this is the last time every time..

    I’ve never used so I don’t know what he is feeling or how bad the cravings are...
    what can I do to help him or take his mind off of it! I don’t want him doing it “one last time” or ever again..
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Walker2012 hey there! thanks for sharing. i've never done meth, so i can't relate on that end about the cravings... i do get addiction though, and the saying usually goes like this, "One is too many and a thousand not enough".

    Maybe he can use it one more time with your knowledge and then let it go forever. But it's tough to know. He doesn't even know if he can do that. The monster of addiction is telling him he can... but really, NO ONE can know before hand.

    I don't know what I would do. If I said, "Ok, do it one last time", then I'd be sure to back that up with VERY SOLID boundaries... I don't want to be with an addict. Period. Someone actively pursuing recovery (counseling, support groups, or just on the recovery path doing the work)... ok. But someone who isn't "doing the work" to stay clean, no, that is not what I want. I'd make that clear. that's just me though. It wouldn't be personal; I just know what I want and don't want in a partner and I'm very clear about it. And, I deserve to have what I want and need in a relationship.

    You can't fix this. You can't make him not want to get high. YOu can be supportive best by taking care of you and allowing him to take full responsibility for himself. If he's not getting high to appease you... he'll likely keep getting high. At least until he wants to quit for HIMSELF. (before it was to NOT lose his kid...) but i'm no expert my dear.

    A great resource I've read is here:

    Check it out. Might explain better how you can best support him during this time...

    Best to you!
  19. Walker2012

    Walker2012 Member

    Thank you for your input. I have Never had to deal with this so any Input is greatly appreciated..

    I told him he has to want to quit for himself not for me or anyone else.. He replied by saying he wants to quit, he just wants to do it on his terms. He wants to do it one last time and he done... I just don’t know if that’s doable.. but he said he’s knows he can quit if he wants..

    He also said he is willing to go to counseling, join a support men’s group and join a recovery group.

    Thank you very much for the source, I will definitely check that out! Your input means More to me than you know.

    Thank you.
  20. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Walker2012 it's good he is wanting to do this for himself. this does put all responsibility on him to forge ahead with his own recovery (as opposed to you making demands).... it really is his choice to use or not anyway, whether it's one more time or 100. even if you don't approve (which you haven't, he used anyway)... so if you let him "choose" one more time... you set your boundary for anything after that..... also great if you might be able to get some professional counsel during this time or attend support group like Naranon. can help you navigate this tricky road so you don't go crazy :)