Will a meth addict ever change?

Dear heart, I totally understand and it's great you are seeking support and answers. Meth is a very addictive drug that changes the brain and turns those we love into monsters. I believed my fiance wants to stop but that drug gets a hold of a person and won't let go. My fiance made several promises and I wanted to believe them but I couldn't. This is the time to call upon your strength and do what you know is helpful. I stood by my love but told him I couldn't do it anymore unless he goes to rehab. He's pretty far gone on Meth and it saddens me.
The best thing I've done is kept my promise to walk away if he didn't go. I had to. I lost myself in the madness. I don't do drugs and don't drink alcohol. Never have. I know that I needed off that rollercoaster of lies, cheating, and hurting.
Everyone's different and I believe everyone has to make their own decision but I'm here if you need to chat. I'm praying for you both.

Hello Walker2012 and thanks for sharing.
I have never seen a" one last time " work for stopping Meth. From experience the best way to describe what "Meth" does to a person is it takes away long term goals in ones life. Every move is how to get high "Right Now". And it ends up being a vicious cycle, that is hard to change. Also, it accentuates what's already inside a person. I mean, a petty thief, now becomes a super thief. It's hard to explain how it makes the user feel, almost like a " winning" feeling. In my opinion if he cared at all about you... he sure as hell would not want you to get high with him. I know you love him. I truly believe, no matter how hard, just trust in your heart and the road you seek will be laid out in front of you. Remember! Talks cheap! He really needs to decide for himself what's important? Also find something else to do to occupy his mind. If you agree to his wishes you are just giving a user the green light(another excuse) to get high. Their is no one answer to your question. It's a long process , but never compromise yourself along the way!!! I hope this helps. Good luck and Take Care.

I've was going through your exact situation for almost 10 years. Small drugs lead to eventually meth the last 2 years. Until u have lived with someone on meth you never understand the hell, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have 2 little ones I am now raising 100% by myself. He is in his 4th rehab. I had to completely remove myself and the kids from him. He was toxic to me and the kids. Promised the world and delivered living hell. He is now once again promising the world through letters I receive. But I decided my children need me to be the best mom possible and I couldn't do that if my daily life was revolved around his every move. I hope for you he changes but my experience is when they get out and have the opportunity to change they dont. Maybe for a month, at the end of the day it's always the same yet worse each go round. You can always have hope but never forgot to protect yourself and your babies first because he won't. Until he shows you for a least a year without being locked up or rehab I would tread lightly if at all. The hardest thing for me was to go by what he was showing me not what he was telling me. Once u have had enough there will be an unbelievable weight lifted from your chest because I'm guessing most days are filled with stress and heartache, an emotional roller coaster. I'll pray for you and your happiness.

To answer your question directly yes they can,but to do it they truly have to see and indeed resent the drug for it it has taken from them.20+ year's i was a meth addict and you couldn't pay me enough or make an offer period for me to ever touch the devil's dust again

I have been with a meth addict for three years. He quit for nearly a year, and the problem became that he was more abusive OFF meth than on meth. Just as he was starting to calm down, and the rage and relentless anger and verbal abuse of withdrawal was starting to abate after about 9 months—he relapsed. I had to find out on my own, and it was a bitter heartbreak, given that I’d stood by him during the entire nine months of constant verbal abuse and rage. Then when he started again he was st least somewhat happy—It got to the point that I was living in fear of him quitting again, because I knew I would be the target of his year-long comedown rage and I would have a strange guilty secret hope he’d start again, just to get a break from his anger. It’s not worth it. It’s never worth it. The emotional and mental roller coaster ride they take you on is nauseating. He was so sure he could “do it on his own.” No therapy, no rehab. Well, sure. But that means I’m the one who had to endure the abuse. When you find yourself having to choose between which is worse—the meth addiction or the very long nasty repeated year-long comedowns of him quitting—it’s time to get out. Yes maybe they can change. Yes maybe they can even quit. But omg, even in their quitting, YOU will suffer. You will. Years of your life will be lost to your hope and love for them. Just Cut your losses and walk.

Well said. I totally feel you and I'm glad there are others who know this crazy side. I cut mine off. I had no choice. When they're coming down they're not really off meth. All of the insanity IS meth. You did your best and you should be proud of yourself for realizing that you cannot be his rehab. I tried it and got slaughtered. They need to find it on their own and often times the hard way.

Blessings to you!

Ohhh, blessings to you too!! I feel like I’ve just walked out of years of complete isolation by reading this response. It’s good to know I wasn’t completely alone. Slaughtered is the perfect description. I hope they do find their own way. But it’s not fair to use us as punching bags for their frustration along the way. Nobody can take so much abuse.

The one thing I see over and over are stories of abuse,I in no way condone such action for any reason period, however I am curious to know is it Physical or Mental or Both.And if I could hear which is harder to go through and why?But most importantly I'm happy you ladies are getting on with your lives.Stay Strong and God Bless

I completely agree!! It frustrates me to hear people feel sorry for the addict and say nothing in support of the significant other, who was on the receiving end of their evil. Yes, they're sick...I get that. But there's a point where they choose to continue the sickness or not. No matter how hard that choice may seem. But they choose the darkness and wreak havoc on everyone else.
I was telling someone how my fiance (former) called me the "N" word, the response was, "poor guy". It baffles me that I really haven't gotten the support. I'm glad to find people like you who can speak from the flip side. I find it very difficult to be forgiving of addicts after I see and have experienced what they put someone through. My life will heal but will never be the same from this nightmare we have lived. I get you and I'm here for you.

It's both. I told you about the hand on my throat. That was the first thing and I kicked him out after that. I saw him over the course of the next year but he wasn't allowed to move back here. He was supposed to go to rehab and started raging and crashed into my shoulder. He was out of it. I drove him to the police station and had him arrested.
The mental abuse was saying things to hit me where it hurts. He was hanging out with street trash and throwing it in my face. He would call me the worst names. I lost it one day and kicked him really hard. I bawled for allowing myself to go there. I knew it was coming to the time where I needed to let go 100%. Any of the abuse was bad, scarring, and hurtful. I still feel bad and honestly, I had a right to that one moment of a swift kick. But it still hurts. I don't ever want to be in a situation that would call upon my upset in that way. :/

You know this is not the thread for me considering I'm a recovering addict of over 20 year's, however I participate in the discussion here because it's important for myself to hear the "Other" side of the story as I agree as addict's actively using we are .........word's can't always describe. However I wish you all the best in recovering yourselves and hope you find the relationship's you all deserve.You are all very strong, brave individuals. Stay Strong and God Bless each and everyone of you

Don't feel bad you earned that one kick at the very least.God Bless

Agree with NeverAgain. It's both for sure. And I honestly can't say which is worse. They are both crippling. My fiancé had beaten me to within an inch of my life, just about two weeks after a series of seizures and a brain surgery. My daughter called an ambulance, and he was subsequently arrested on a felony corporal injury on a spouse/cohabitant with special circumstances because of the recent surgery and my serious vulnerability. His bail was set at 50k, his mother paid it and he was out within hours. He was a couple days in withdrawal when the violence occurred; he's a former MMA fighter, so I had no chance at defender myself. After that happened, I went into a DV shelter and attempted to recover from the madness. However, he was very sorry and attempted to get fully clean. He had a lot of family money to spend on his defense, so of course no jail, and I sort of wish he'd been convicted because continuing to infect my life has been a problem. I did let him back into my life, albeit not living together anymore. This is when the aforementioned emotional abuse in the earlier post began. Because he was trying to get clean, and he didn't want to go into rehab or get any therapy, I became the butt of serious rage for months on end. The better part of a year. I stood by him until he finally relapsed nine months in and gave way to deviant sexual behavior he expected me to cater to. But that nine months consisted of his constant disgust, rage, blame, and verbal abuse over HIS OWN ARREST and physical abuse. I had been left in the hospital with a broken tailbone, broken thumb, sprained wrist, and severe contusions all over my body after a major brain surgery. After which I endured almost a year of emotional and psychological battering, in the interest of seeing him through getting clean and better his life. I could only take so much. I am grateful to have found people who will listen. This is a very isolating and humiliating experience. I am highly educated, was raised religious, and have a great deal of high profile accomplishments. But this has been demoralizing in the extreme, and I often wonder if I will ever recover.

You have my support. I get it.

I have serious respect for your accomplishment, your commitment, and your willingness to talk about it.

wow.Im so sorry you had to endure any of those things.A former MMA fighter wow.You will recover but its going to take time,time you shouldnt have to devote but now you do.I wish you nothing but the very best and i dont have much to offer,but if you ever need to talk or just get something off your chest im more than willing to listen

I appreciate your kindness but I am not worthy of your respect. When I read such stories it breaks my heart,not because I'm thinking "Poor Me" But usually I'm thinking "What have you done" I never physically hurt my wife but I was a verbally abusive asshole,never to her like about her appearance, or dinner wasn't good enough but just in general, to everyone around and now I'm left alone,but I created this nightmare so I have to feel the horror it brings.I can't envision a man physically abusing a woman,either in person or in my mind its just something I thank god I don't have in me.This in no way makes me better just different I guess.Stay Strong and God Bless You.