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Will never stop needing a friend...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Hr2hlp, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Hr2hlp

    Hr2hlp Member

    I am a recovering alcoholic/prescription drug addict. I spent every day, for 7 years, either drunk, high, or both. During that time I lied to, stole from, and alienated everyone in my life. When I cleaned up I had a few friends and my family left. Those friends didnt understand my need to temporarily isolate myself, 30 miles from anywhere. My parents forgave all the lying and stealing. Unfortunately, the day I came clean with them is the last time they spoke to me. Apparently, the lying and stealing were forgivable as long as I was sober when it happened. Now I live with my husband, taking care of his mother. I see my kids every chance I get but I don't have custody. And my family has dropped out of my life completely, now. I've been clean for 3 yrs, 6 months, and 11 days, since 4/23/2012. But I need to be able to talk about my experience. And I need to hear about other people's experiences so that I don't feel so alone, and can maybe begin to stop the complete isolation. If you are reading this, thank you for that. I look forward to getting started!
    bhu likes this.
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum.
    You have been doing great for being sober for almost 4 years and I hope they could manage to keep in touch with you again. Maybe you will need to do more efforts to have contact with them again and there could still be chances that they will not isolate you anymore, just do not lose hope. :)
    Hr2hlp and deanokat like this.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Hr2hlp! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story to us here. Well, I am happy to know that you have now finally pulled yourself up and currently leading a clean and sober life. On one hand, I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your family and friends. I believe in the right time, they'll talk to and patch things up with you again. I wish you all the best. Keep in touch.
    Hr2hlp and deanokat like this.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    First off congratulations of getting clean. You are doing great. Welcome to the forum and thanks for taking the time to share your story with us. There are many others on this forum who can relate to your story. You are not alone. I am sorry to hear that your family has turned their back on you and that you don't have custody of your children. It is good that you see them often though and hopefully all of you can be reunited in time. Keep in touch with us and take care! We are here for you always!
    Hr2hlp and deanokat like this.
  5. misskrystal1982

    misskrystal1982 Active Contributor

    Welcome to the forum!
    It's too bad your family has bailed on you at a time when you really need them. That is the way some people are, and maybe they are a little mad at themselves as well for not seeing you had a problem. It's awesome you are doing so well and things seem to be going ok.
    This is a great forum to be at, if you ever just need to talk. There are always people here who are very insightful and wise, willing to give a listening ear.
    Hr2hlp and deanokat like this.
  6. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    You made the right decision to get clean certainly. I would give your family some time, they might come back around again. However, people can be disappointing. It is important to give your time and energy to yourself and to those that have been there for you in thick and thin.,
    Hr2hlp and deanokat like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Hr2hlp... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. We're so glad you're here!

    Big congratulations to you for being clean since 4/23/12! That's soooo awesome!

    I'm the father of an addict in recovery and I just want you to know that it can be incredibly difficult for parents to deal with their child's addiction. I stood by my son through his ordeal but, unfortunately, not all parents deal with things the same way. I know a lot of parents who have struggled mightily with their children's addiction issues, and several who have, like yours, cut out all contact. Different people react differently to challenging situations. Please know that I feel for you, and I'm sorry your parents reacted the way that they did.

    I don't know if you've considered doing this or not--and maybe it's something you've already tried--but if I were you I would try reaching out to your parents. Maybe just send them a letter telling them that you've been clean for 3.5 years, and that you're doing the right things. Tell them you'd like to reconnect with them. Even though they may be the ones "at fault," it would be huge for you to initiate contact. As a parent, I can tell you that there's a chance they may feel miserable about how things are. Maybe a little push from you would be the catalyst for things getting good again. Just a thought.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can, my friend. Please don't hesitate to reach out anytime you need or want to. We're kind people who will never judge you. I'm so glad you found us.

    Peace and hugs.
    bhu, Rainman and Hr2hlp like this.
  8. Hr2hlp

    Hr2hlp Member

    Thank you so much! There are a lot of forums I've visited that feels like no one is listening. I always just end up posting things that only make sense to me. It feels good here and I can't thank all of you enough.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum. I think you've come to the right place. After reading over your paragraph, I can tell you with sincerity that you will find friends here. There are so many people in this forum that are willing to help. Most of these members welcome others with open arms. I really hope that you find this forum as useful as I have.
    deanokat and Hr2hlp like this.
  10. BrandonA

    BrandonA Active Contributor

    Way to get clean. I'm sorry that your family didn't share your perspective. Give it a few years and see how things change; time does heal some things. You've come to the right place for support.
    deanokat and Hr2hlp like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You are very welcome, @Hr2hlp. We are good listeners. :)
    Hr2hlp likes this.
  12. Hr2hlp

    Hr2hlp Member

    I bet you have helped a lot more people than you even realize. Your attentiveness and sincerity means so much when dealing with the faceless world of Internet forums. I've read through a lot of threads on here. And you never hesitate to step up and try to help. I look forward to talking to you a lot more.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hey there @Hr2hlp ! You are certainly not alone. There are hundreds and thousands of people who've been through a similar situation. I guess your family just needs more time. They placed all their trust in you that it came as a shock when you confessed to using drugs. Nevertheless, they'll come around. It's taking a bit longer but just hang in there and keep the faith. All will be well and soon, they'll be ready to forgive and listen to you.
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015
    bhu and deanokat like this.
  14. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    @OP, you never should lose hope. Fact is no one can remain mad at someone forever. You still can connect with your parents but you need to be prepared to deal with rejection. Think of it as building a new relationship. Take it slow and I'm sure you'll win back your parents.

    "Ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst."
    Dale C.

    All the best.
    bhu and deanokat like this.
  15. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    @Hr2hlp: I hear you mate, I'm sorry to hear about the things that you had to go through, you need to have faith in yourself and don't stop until you get what you want and quite those horrible drugs for good.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Hr2hlp Hello and welcome to this forum! I am sorry to hear that your family and friends had left you behind during the times when you need them the most. I want you to know that a family will always be a family. I know there will come a time when all of you will be together again and be there to forgive each other mistakes. You are clean now and just continue what you are doing and that is to be an inspiration to other people so that you will not feel alone. Don't ever lose hope and all the best of luck!
    deanokat likes this.
  17. NyX82

    NyX82 Member

    Congrats to you on getting sober and for coming so far. You should be extremely proud of yourself! We all do bad things when addiction has a hold on us, I hope you have forgiven yourself for the things you've done. You deserve forgiveness. I'm sorry your family has no relationship with you now but I wouldn't give up hope because there may come a day when they will see how great you're doing and contact you. As far as the isolation goes. I understand that all to well. In my later years of using I had already isolated myself. I wouldn't talk to anyone that I use to be friends with that didn't use and I didn't talk to many that did use. After I got clean I refused to talk to any of my old friends, the clean ones. I just felt like they were to judgmental and didn't understand what life was like for me. They had many bad things to say about me which I thought was unfair. Until you live my life you have no room to judge me. It took me about 2 years to even form friendships with anyone. Now I have mainly one really close person in my life, my boyfriend. I also have 2 older children from a previous relationship, their father and I used together for 9 years. They also live with him and thankfully he's clean now but I don't get to see them as much as I wish I could. I see them about once a week. I don't have a vehicle so my family has to help me out with rides to get them. I do have a 10 month old with my boyfriend who my older 2 absolutely adore. It's been hard but everyone is much happier now. I don't know how you get through the isolation, I wish I did because life would be easier I think. When you're ready though I think you'll know it. Keep doing what you're doing because you're doing great!
    deanokat likes this.
  18. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Hr2hlp, a hearty welcome to the forum. It's great to hear you have been clean for three years and I pray it's only forward from here. I like to remain hopeful and maybe in time your family will be able to demonstrate forgiveness in true and full since of the word.

    Just know you have found a community of friends and family when you signed up for this forum. You are never alone here as I am sure you have observed already. Deanokat and others often speak from a position of experience. You will be well served by making use the best advice you find here. Also know your story will serve to encourage someone who might be still struggling with an addiction. In this forum we are all winners.
    deanokat likes this.
  19. Min

    Min Active Contributor

    Hr2hlp - I want to tell you how happy I am that you took a step to tell your story and share your feelings. It shows great courage and strength to be able to share your emotions and feelings -- even virtually. So congratulations on being in touch enough with your inner self that you are able to express yourself without filtering. That's an amazing gift and one to be proud of. Secondly, congratulations on your progress! You have worked so hard to get where you are, and I know there are things in your life that are different, but there are wonderful chances and changes you have because of your choice to be clean. So pat yourself on the back! Thirdly, there are people on this forum just like you, some a little behind, some a little ahead. You have a community, and you have a chance to not only learn from others but to teach them as well! Everyone can be someone else's coach and teacher, trainer and friend.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Hi there! After my diagnosis I felt the same way, I decided I wanted to be completely alone because I just didn't feel like talking with anyone or deal with anyone's issues. Sometimes when you are not feeling emotionally stable or need some time alone it's wise to just take some time alone.