This is quite long and I’m sorry about that but thank you if u read it all. Hi my names James I’m 17 and live in the UK. I’ll be honest i don’t know why I’m on here but I felt like telling what I’m going through this very moment might help me and possibly help someone else. So I tried coke for the first time when I was 14 it was only a small line that I was offered I was with my best friend and I trusted him and I didn’t think of the massive knock on effects this one little line would have on my life. As soon as that coke went up my nose it was almost like love at first sniff, that first line trapped me and the coke wrapped it’s talons init me and to this day the 4 of September 2019 25 days before my 18 birthday. I didn’t touch coke for about 6 months and then I got offered some and I recalled how good I felt after that small line so it seemed like a no brain decision and in hindsight that’s the issue I didn’t think I accept and the talons got deeper into me and if I’m honest something deeper then my body. I then took it when ever it was offered or I could get some but at this point it was just when I was with Friends or friends of friends or at party’s and it wasn’t often maybe every 2 months then one day I had a bad day just one bad day and I decided I wanted some coke I rang my friend who I had done my first line with because I knew he could get it for me he told me the prices and I was about 15 2-3 months before I turned 16. I met my mate gave him the money he got it for me and I used it all to my self it wasn’t that strong but at the time I thought it was powerful due to my low tolerance and lack of experience with coke so that made me feel so much better and by the time I’d run out and come down had warn off my bad day was over and I felt much better a bit down because I was out of beak but it was fine This carried on for a while where I’d have a bad day and I’d get coke and I’d feel better. So like a child I ran and hid behind coke to get away from my probables but little did I know what was my hiding place(cocaine) from my problems would become my main problem. So fast forward to june 2019 I’m 17 and just passed my driving test I’ve got a job and I’m just about to finish my first year at college. At college it was normal to do drugs and not just weed practically anything. Nothing really was classed as bad by class mates meaning that people were doing drugs in class before class and after class and the main drug was my old friend cocaine so I was buying more regularly and sniffing it when before during and after college. So I finally passed my driving test and I had this freedom I live in the middle of nowhere there isn’t even a bus route through my village and the nearest train station was a 3 hour walk. So I had this freedom giving to me basically over night and this is where the major problems started where I had been relying on my best friend to get me the coke I could no travel further to get it and that’s what I did i meant my best mate in my car I got a dealers number and we went and bought some coke this dealer was on stand by nearly 24/7 I could ring at any time and I’d get some coke and that’s what happened I bought this coke and it was the best stuff I had ever had it really fucked me up in good way. So it started off in little amounts like 30 pounds here 30 pounds there. When I wanted but not that often and then one day I wanted more the one bag I decided I wanted 4 which was 100 pounds I rang my best mate up who would usually come with me to pick up but he was busy so I went and got it my self and that was it once I realized I could go get it my self that’s what I didn’t and it evolved into me sniffing it by my self in bedroom whilst my parents were down stairs or in there bedroom next to mine the amount of times I’ve been gurning my pupils so big u can’t see the blue of my eyes etc. and went and talked to my parents or went for a dive when I got movement mood from the coke was unreal and they’ve never noticed not once and now for the past 2-3 weeks I’ve acquired 4 bags of coke every 3 days it got to the point where I was getting low on money but I needed to save some so I could run my car that I stole money from dad. So yeh this brings us to know it’s 3 in the morning on the 4th of September I had my first day of my second year of college did that went and got my wage of which was 90 pounds for last week and as soon as I got it I spend 70 pounds on coke. It’s starting to ruin and control my life and I feel as if I have no one to help me my dad would ring the police if he found out as he has told me many times it would absolutely destroy my mum my I’ve lied to my girlfriend saying that I’m not doing it and justified it to my self saying that she doesn’t deserve to have to deal with me trying to get off coke my best mate is now starting to get worried I can see it when I talk to him about it but he’s too scared to say anything about. And the issue is I’m to proud to ask for help. It is now getting to the point where if I’m on coke I can’t sleep but if I’m sober I can’t go to sleep because the cravings are running around my mind. I can see I’ve started to loose weight and to be honest I don’t have any fat to lose so my musicale mass is going. People are starting to notice that I’m always “Sick and have a cold ” my excuse for when I have a runny nose of a blocked one I’m starting to become angry and snappy towards everyone when I’m not on coke and just a horrible person to be around. This adds to the fact that when I’m on coke I’m happy relaxed can open up and talk to people and that I like the person I am when I’m on cocaine I’m just a better version of sober me. If I’m honest I don’t have any advice if I did I would have implemented it and maybe I’d be getting better so yeah I guess I’m here to tell someone and ask for advice on what I should do. Also I want to join the army when I leave college so I can’t really have coke dependence or any mention of drugs on my medical record because I’m almost certain I’d be rejected instantly.