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Wow.....

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, May 27, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    So this blows my mind.I have been sober for sometime now and i take care of my elderly parents and my mom's brother has been a junkie ever since i can remember and also has lived under my mom's roof ever since I've been alive.I have sympathy and compassion for most addicts but this man is straight garbage.When my grandparents passed he stole their wedding rings and sold them for dope,he has personally put me in jail twice for him to be able to continue to use my mom as i have all but....i won't elaborate but what would you do to someone like this.He has stolen my mom's car a crashed it,he got an underage girl knocked up when he was 49 year's old and this piece of shi× is getting out of jail soon and my mom is basically telling me to leave him alone or else!!My mom suffers from diabetes and seizures.I have saved her life with the help of the lord but over 30 time's and she wants this tweaker garbage back in her house.I have a 7 year old sister and don't trust this pile of sh×t and i have no idea what to do.I have no where to go no where to live im waiting on knee surgery before I can go back to work however i can't allow this trash around my family.What can i do?any advice would be appreciated
  2. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    I currently have an active addict I my life that continues to make horrible decisions and hurting people I love. I’m trying to have some compassion. I try to remind myself that he’s not a bad person he’s just an addict doing what addicts do. Think about all the shitty things you did when you were using, And the things you were willing to do to keep using but never had to. Sometimes I can get high and mighty thinking things like “well I never stole from my family, or never got a felony, or what have you” but the thing is.... those things hadn’t happened yet. Had I continued to use I would have done those things eventually. Because that’s what happens when addicts become desperate. Try to have compassion for your fellow addict because he’s a lot like you and you are fighting the same disease. I know it’s INCREDIBLY difficult (it is for me most days as well) because they are hurting people we love. I just try to remember how I was when I was using. And truth is he probably hates himself as much as I did when my addiction was active. My advice is pray for him. On a side note, have you been to more meetings? Do you like them?
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    I have done all these things you mentioned above,i felt compassion,i've prayed for him,ive forgiven the trips to jail as he would snitch on me to save his own ass and i kept quiet and did the time twice!!I remember him giving me ounces of meth when i just started using,i remember almost dieing as he told my mom he's gone and walking her out of the room,i remember when i first got sober i told him with sincerity i would've loved to see what he could have been without the dope,i remember his every word to my compassion."I'm glad i found dope and the day i quit is the day i die"My little sister which my parent's adopted from a minor my uncle was with so the state didn't put her in a foster home is now 7 year's old and it didn't end up being his child but she looks so much like her birth mom and i fear that he may someday try to harm her and i know exactly what i would do to him if he ever tried and i cannot clarify because of the rules so to speak.I remember my mom nearly died while he tweaked on a fuc×ing phone right next to her and when i asked why he didn't help her he said "we're old we're going to die someday"I am an addict,felon,scumbag,etc but never and in no way am i anything remotely close to this garbage i speak of.Yet somehow for some reason i feel guilt speaking of him this way,i feel shame for ever allowing them to suffer at my hand,i feel rage kbowing my mom has always defended him even after all he's done and caused,i worry for my sister and i cannot allow her to be influenced by him as she grows older.I remember Christmas day she wanted to play with him and he screamed at her because he was coming down and she woke him up,i remember thanksgiving day i cooked for the entire family and invited him and his girlfriend and she OD'ed in our house he panicked and ran out the door and i saved her life,this woman was an atheist and had nothing but hate for God,i went to the hospital and brought her back when they released her and she said thank you for saving me and i said don't thank me thank god and she did then she prayed for the first time ever and hugged me again and walked out the door and never spoke to him again.I have tried to forgive and forget but this one individual is empty inside in away I've never seen,you probably are correct he probably does hate himself but regardless this will be the last time i try with him.When he get's out he will be sober 3 month's and if he goes back to dope which he said he plans on it first thing i don't know what will happen.I haven't been back since last NA meeting as i almost got in a fight with someone who was trying to mock my situation in comparison to his and the person running the meeting didn't stop his degrading bullshit
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @True concern... Wow is right. That's an incredibly difficult situation you're in, my friend. And I'm not sure I have any answers for you. Maybe sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with your uncle and be completely honest with him about your feelings and concerns? I don't know if that would help or not. Just a thought. I hope other folks might have some suggestions.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I hope so too,i can get over alot of thing's,i can forgive,but i cannot stand idealy by and watch this man harm everyone i love in the most evil of ways.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Sending you strength and hope, @True concern. So glad you're a part of this community.
    True concern likes this.
  7. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    That does sound like a very difficult situation. Maybe you can somehow detach from him or the situation as best you can. I have never experienced anything like the situation you experienced in a meeting. Everyone is always welcoming, kind, relatable, compassionate and genuine. But that’s the deal I guess were not going to like everyone or every meeting. I wouldn’t let one encounter with one guy deter you from all that NA/AA have to offer. Try a different meeting, there are lots to choose from. Or try AA. Up to you of course but it’s helped my recovery more than I can express.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I will pick another one for sure,just a shi×ty meeting but one day isn't everyday so odds are in my favor.Take Care
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  9. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I actually can sort of relate a little bit to this one.
    My brother in law just for the record we are great friends again,but my brother in law fell away from his walk with God and it showed tremendously in the way he started using drugs.
    I had always looked up to him,he's my same age,but I looked up to him in the fact that he cwould face adversity where I simply couldn't.
    Well when he found out that my sister was pregnant with my second niece he lost his job.
    We had always smoked pot together and everyone in the family new and nobody cared. But when he lost his job with a baby on the way he lost control found meth asked me to show him how to mainline, then we were speedballing together.
    I have so many regrets,anyway I told him we had to slow it down we were gonna get caught by my sister and we had been on the dope a couple weeks so I told him how to taper w/o getting caught by using methadone.
    I did it and thought he had to, until I saw my sister show up at my parents house crying saying that he was on some kind of drugs she had never seen.
    She had taken a picture of his stash he had laid out while he thought she was out of town. Next to his meddle was some crystal and a few oc 80s empty beer cans all over the counter and floor. I was going to have a talk with him,my sister didn't want him in trouble but she told me last time he saw her he demanded money and long story short he put his hands on her.
    So anyway I got his a×s arrested and when he got out I had already dissabled his brake lights knowing full well his SUV reeked of pot and that was another trip to jail. I am in no way saying that you should do what I did but I'm with you I can't allow someone who is harming my family to stick around.
    Is this kind of like the pot calling the kettle black?
    Not really, I have never put my hands on a family member.
    I do wish I had some really good advice to give you,but I think that you're already on the right path because you're paying attentionto the desires God has for us and not passing judgment, so you can never go wrong there.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Hey josh,

    I’m curious as to how your story ends, you said you two are great friends again. Was he able to get clean? How did he find his way again?
    On a side note, I’m struggling with knowing that my brother in law was driving around high on heroin. Not only that’s but he just started driving for Uber. I feel a sense of obligation to contact Uber and tell them he’s driving around their clients under the influence of heroin. He’s endangering their lives as well as othe people on the road. I could never forgive myself If he hurt someone and I did nothing to stop it. He’s sober at the moment and says he’s going to stay that way, but as an addict myself I know how much work it takes to stay clean. If I find out he’s using again I’m going to contact his job.


    deanokat likes this.
  11. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Well, I don't reall6think our story had ended but he did get clean and has stayed that way. I know that for a fact due to the drug tests he has to take for drug court.
    More coming
    Anyway since his second arrest I did eventually tell him that I manufactured it by the way he was sentenced to drug court. He told me later that he was greatfull for the arrest because he was way off the deep end with the heroin and cocaine use.
    He also told me that during this time he had robbed two convenience stores, I knew that they had been broken into but he was never charged with this. He's better no one was hurt so my lips are sealed.
    As far as him finding his way again yes he did and now he is a music minister at a small local church here doing drug counseling as a volunteer at the local valley rescue mission.
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2018
    deanokat likes this.
  12. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    As far as for your brother in law driving for uber, if he says he's clean and going to stay that way maybe you could just encourage him but as an addict I know what you mean when you say you're concerned he could relapse. But anything that happens isn't your fault.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Of course I’ll encourage him to stay sober, that’s all I want for him, to have a happy healthy life free from drugs and alcohol. I want him to feel the serenity I feel, the joy I’ve found In sobriety. That’s wonderful that your brother in law is sober, absolutely amazing! Good for him! Such a small percentage of addicts/alcoholics get sober, you two are very lucky to have one another.
    deanokat, True concern and Josh111187 like this.
  14. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    That is something that him and i both agree on too. Before we felt comfortable with going to any type of meating, him and I would hold our own little two person meeting at my sister's house.that meeting grew to about five eventually before we all started going to celebrate recovery together. But we are more than just in-laws that's for sure.
    And I believe the same can/will happen with your brother in law. It sounds like he wants to be sober, maybe this new job with uber will give him the purpose he needs to do just that and have that wonderful peace in his life that you have!
    deanokat and True concern like this.