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You can't make anyone stop drinking or using (sad reality)

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by aimeep80, Apr 26, 2015.

  1. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    So very sad that they are back at it and rationalizing it. The nature of the beast. Just sucks completely. I understand exactly what you mean by it being frustrating. Especially when it is someone you love and care about as a family member or even a friend.
  2. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    God will help you through. I firmly believe that if you could attend AL Anon meetings it would help you as well..hugs to you.
  3. ohno

    ohno Member

    Im sorry you've been put through a lot. You are right though. You can't force anyone to do anything. You can't show them all of the facts, or offer all of the support in the world, if they don't want to do it, they won't.

    I think its hard for families to watch a loved one choose drugs over them. Drugs mess with the mind and if you don't do them its hard to imagine their mind. We look at it logically and they can't.

    Its heartbreaking to know that there's only so much you can do. However I think by continually offering support you can help them. They will eventually realize how great of a support system they have.

    You may not be able to force them, but when they are ready you can definitely support them.
    aimeep80 likes this.
  4. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    Thank you so much for your reply. You are right, by showing support I firmly believe an addict will eventually seek help.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    So true that you cannot force anyone who really do not want to change at all. That person should realize that something is wrong and that he needs to change. You can help in making one realize it but that will not be always be successful.
  6. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Absolutely true. I think if we cannot succeed in making them realize it, one time they will figure it out since it is harmful and they will see.
  7. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right. The sad thing about that is that late realization is either they are dying already or lost everything in their lives.
  8. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    True. I know people who have come to that realization when they had brain damage, they couldn't speak properly anymore and be like other people, they lost that ability but they were still aware of what they have done. Very very sad.
  9. I am interested in a support group of some kind. My husband is now saying he is sorry just like he always does and is begging me not to divorce. I know it is what I need to do but I don't want to hurt him. I just feel confused and I don't want to feel like that. My kids also need support. Is Alanon for children too?
  10. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Yes. I also knew some of those who just stop (or forced to stop) when they got serious illness already that cannot be cured anymore.
  11. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    What I personally would offer these people is the hope that I personally have in eternal life. Hope beyond the grave and forgiveness for the past, if of course, they are able to understand what I'm saying.
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It was like saying that being hopeful and sorry for all of the things that they have done can be worth it in the end. Better that realization really comes not in the end as much as possible.
    kylerlittle likes this.
  13. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Oh absolutely. I know what you mean.
  14. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I have a brother that is about 5 years older then me. I just turned 47 this month I can't stand to see him. I want to cry my heart breaks for him. I'm tearing up right now as I type this out. I can't save him if I could I would. I really hate to say this, but I hope he goes back to prison to be saved from his on self. He went for two years in the past just probation stuff. At least he was safe from alcohol.
  15. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I know what you mean because I understand your suffering and pain. It's really sad and I'm sure there's always hope and a way for him to get through it, whether forcefully or not. Pray for him.
    karmaskeeper likes this.
  16. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I know the day will come when I will get the phone call or knock at my door. The one we all dread I know it's coming that being said I know I'm going to go in to a rage. I will want to hit something that's my first reaction to bad news. I guess because I have no control over it, and it pisses me off.

    I hate to lose my brother it's going to kill me. I would do anything to save him, but he doesn't want to be saved. I wish I could have saved the little boy that was beaten, and mistreated. Then maybe I wouldn't have to watch the man kill himself slowly. It's is sad no other way to look at it.
  17. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    When two people got married they had promised in their vows that they will be there for each other in good and bad times of their life as husband and wife. And what you had shown and what you are still doing now is an example of a wife who had kept her promise to his husband. I do appreciated your acceptance and strength regarding your husband situation. I do hope that all your efforts and what you are doing will make your husband realize your unconditional love for him. Wish you all the best of luck and I know God will always be there for you and your husband.
  18. JohnBeaulieu

    JohnBeaulieu Community Champion

    What was the brain damage caused by? I'm just curious because alcohol actually doesn't kill brain cells. It destroys your liver, raises blood pressure and can contribute to heart disease but the brain cell thing is a myth.
  19. light

    light Active Contributor

    Something I admire in you is that besides all what you have gone through you still love your husband and you haven’t lost hope that he will become sober again. If you accept that your husband is the only one who can make the decision to stop being an alcoholic and stick to his decision, it saves you from blaming yourself. Putting your husband in a choice between you and alcohol isn’t going to be effective but having the courage to stay with him in these difficult moments is a choice done by a woman who knows how to love with all her heart. I am sure that with your strong belief everything will be better for you and your husband.
  20. Cheeky_Chick

    Cheeky_Chick Community Champion

    You are so right in what you're saying, and it can be one of the most frustrating things ever to be a family member of an addict, because you can see what they are doing to themselves, but they just don't seem to be able to follow the advice that they need to in order to break the habit, which is a real shame. The only thing that you can do is be there for them, and give them all of the information that they need about where they can go for help if they need it. You should find that eventually you get through to them, and when they are ready to make the change, you will be there with open arms.