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You need to be selfish

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Rosyrain, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    When it comes to drugs, alcohol, or even painful events in life, at some point you need to start thinking of yourself a little first and become somewhat selfish. I spent so many years worrying about what everyone else thinks and trying to please everyone else that I lost sight of who I was as a person. Sometimes you just need to put yourself first to get better.
  2. ajzappola

    ajzappola Member

    I agree. I have noticed that there are good reasons to be selfish. The trick is to stay sober and continue to grow so that you can learn the difference between appropriate selfishness and harmful selfishness. When we get here we have no idea what to do. After we have lived a while in our new sober shoes we get to see how we show up in the world. How do we treat ourselves? Others? Can we do better?

    Eventually I learned that to be happy I had to be responsible for my happiness and no one else's. This means that no one else is responsible for mine either. This is the true meaning of the "Inside Job". Life happens to everyone, but full accountability to self is the path to true joy and fulfillment. I hold no hostages these days but I am selfish enough to take good care of myself and create the life I desire and deserve No more self flagellation, it was useless. I did what I did and now I get to move on. I have cleared up the wreckage of my past. I did it because I did not want to suffer anymore; I wanted to be a better person. It feels good to look in the mirror. Selfishness has its perks if you know when and how to use it.
  3. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    That is really important, @Rosyrain. I find it really sad how some of my friends are trying to impress people that they don't even talk to, but they like the attention. I always go by one rule: "If you think a person is good and important to you, then you shouldn't try to worry about what she/he might think. If that person is going to judge you by your actions, then she/he's not worthy of your friendship".
  4. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Actually, everyone is self centered. It is the radius that differs.
  5. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    This is so true if your habit stems from peer pressure or attempting to maintain a certain image. Honestly, substances aren’t nearly as impressive a thing to get involved with as people sometimes think they are, yet it’s so easy to fall into the trap. I really found that my life improved quite a bit after I decided to put myself first and make decisions without worrying so much about what others might think, or how I might appear to be. There are setbacks, sure, but generally I’m much, much happier.
  6. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    This is how peer pressure works.
    You put the needs of others and the need to be part of a group ahead of your own health and wellness.
    I don't typically subscribe to the Libertarian/Ayn Rand type of world-view, but I do believe that their can be great merit in proper selfishness or rational self-interest.
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Very true. I remember this quote from the movie The Breakfast Club, "You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people." It's time to be who you really want to be and not to be dictated by others anymore.
    amin021023 likes this.
  8. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    As pointed out above, there is a difference between good selfishness and bad selfishness, but I think that most people are smart enough to know the difference. I am not advocating that people become very selfish with themselves, but you really are in charge of your own happiness and you have to take the time to figure out what you want out of the world, nobody is going to do it for you. You need to be selfish in that you can take care of yourself.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Right on, @Rosyrain! Worrying about whether or not someone has an opinion isn't going to stop them from having one. So stop stressing over it and just take care of you. You are the most important person in your life and the bottom line is: Who cares what anybody else thinks?? I'm so glad you've realized that putting yourself first is the way to go! You rock!!
    Rosyrain likes this.
  10. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Thank you very much. It was really a learning experience because I love to help others and it was really hard for me to make the decision to put my needs first. People can't be happy if their own basic needs are not meant. In the end, I choose happiness.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Rosyrain... I read something in a book once that stuck with me. "If they're on their side, and you're on their side, then who's on your side?" ;)
  12. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    I agree with you, I also spent a lot of time trying to be someone who I wasn't just to please my family and society in general, and I felt so lost and sad at that time, and then I realized that it was my life, my choices, my pain, my body, my happiness! I stated to see all the good and bad things on me, I had to accept myself too...and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever done, and it's still really hard, but I'm not going to give up, because it's my life, and it doesn't belong to anyone but me.
  13. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think this is so true. So often we think of the word selfish as having negative connotations. That it means you're self absorbed and arrogant and never ever think about anyone else's feelings. I don't think it's any of those things though. You can still be selfish and think of others, but it just means that you're looking out for numero uno as your priority. It reminds me a bit of when you're on a plane and they tell you in the event of an emergency to put your own mask on first before helping others. That's not called being selfish, it's called practicality!
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  14. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    that's right, we need to care less about impressing people and start focusing more on our own health, wealth and well being because if we get better, people will automatically be impressed by us even more...that's why being selfish is a good thing.
  15. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    Couldnt agree more. Its your life and you need to do whats best for you. Having a problem with substances is hard enough without others getting you down
  16. harold

    harold Community Champion

    I agree with you. Placing yourself first in some situations won't kill you. People have no right to judge you! Only God knows why we take each and every decision in our lives. There are certain decisions that we take and they actually look selfish but seem to be the right thing to do. Some of these decisions stem from past experiences. I can quot myself here. I have lost many things in the past because I placed everyone else in front of my needs. The sad thing is that when you are in trouble because you sacrificed beyond your capabilities to help someone, the person is so indifferent to your pain that you really ask yourself why you had to go through such a sacrifice in the first place. All the same, helping and sacrificing or placing the needs of other people before yours is a virtue, but it does not kill you to be "selfish" once in a while. Caring what people think or feel about you all the time, can lead you into trouble.
  17. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right. It is not a wrong thing to think of yourself first on certain situations. Specially if it will benefit you more or you will be better on doing it so than the other way around.
  18. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    It's true. You need to worry about yourself first and getting healthy again. Going out and about and taking care of others isn't going to make you any better. Time to stay home and figure things out and not let outside forces ruin your sobriety.
  19. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I always made this quiet boast that I was so unselfish. I quietly thought that because of my unselfishness I was so much better than those who seemed so selfish and mean. I still think there is too much selfishness in the world, but I have also come to appreciate that there will be times when being selfish is the most unselfish thing you can do for yourself.

    In a less complicated way, I am simply agreeing with what Rosyrain brought to the forum. Because I now understand that there selfish good and selfish bad, I perfectly understand that it is critical that people be selfish in certain areas of life especially as it relates to saving ourselves.

    For me it's still much easier said than done, but I am working on it.
  20. apple2go

    apple2go Member

    My mother has always been like that! She always put everyone before herself and it was not good for her at all. We are a family of four kids, my dad is computer programmer, and my mom is a stay at home mom! All her life she would always take care of us and never take 5 minutes for herself :( This caused her to gain weight and develop this rash called shingles! I felt terrible that this had happened to my mother so we decided that she finally needed to take time out of her day for herself! She now does a workout everyday just like she used to, she paints her nails, she goes shopping, she enjoys life much more! Especially now that we are older and can take care of ourselves she definitely has more time for herself! I am just so happy that she has decided to be a little bit more selfish and think about herself for once and not us :) Thanks to this, she is in the best shape of her life, takes care of herself, and is the happiest she has ever been! I am so happy for her and wouldn't have it any other way :) I completely agree with this post and believe that everyone needs to take time for themselves and be selfish once in a while! TREAT YOURSELF! This is a great post and thank you so much! Hope you all have a good day and are extra selfish today! ;)
    Winterybella likes this.