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You need to be selfish

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Rosyrain, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    Of course, you should feel good with yourself, in order if you want people to feel good with you.
    You can't please everybody, it's impossible. You're not a people-pleaser. Do something for yourself, today!
  2. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    Unfortunately, in the world we live in, the most generous and kind people are the ones who get taken advantage of. I once had a girlfriend who I spent so much time and money on her that I forgot about myself. Whenever I was stuck in situation, I was all by myself and whenever she had a problem, it was both of us. It was only after I was broke for a while that she dumped yet I even used to help her out pay the rent when she did not have a job. Ever since she dumped me, I have focused more on myself and I am more happy than when I was with her. It actually makes sense to love yourself first before you love someone else.
  3. tinception

    tinception Member

    I don't think of it as selfishness but self-love and acceptance. I mean how could you love other people if you don't even love yourself? I agree with you that we our selves must take priority before anything else. I learned this the hard way when I thought I was being selfless. In my constant need for approval and acceptance from others, I did everything I can and gave everything I had to some friends. Whenever I did something, I felt I had to explain myself to them. In the end, I still got stabbed in the back. The same was true when I loved a man so much up to the breaking point but he still abandoned me. But all of it was a wakeup call for me. I cut these toxic people out of my life and appreciated those who stood by me when the going got though. I healed myself by accepting myself - my flaws, strengths and all. I'm a lot stronger now and I don't let the crowd dictate who I should become. I am still learning and I hope that I also giving back that love in my own little way.

    "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." I was always struck by this line from a song and I believe this still holds true.
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2015
  4. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I agree that the pressure of pleasing everyone else and meeting society's standards can become so painful that you turn to drugs or alcohol to forget the pressures momentarily and that becomes an addiction. To recover, you have to be selfish and leave it all behind to focus on yourself. It is also a matter of finding out who you really are and becoming someone you can be happy with, so you don't need anything else to soothe you. I think a part of letting go and being selfish here involves therapy to discover yourself.
  5. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think when recovering from an addiction it's to easy to try and bend to what other people need and want, instead of concentatibg on your own needs and putting yourself first.

    In that way a bit of selfishness is required and you need to do what's best for you over anything else. I'm not saying upset others intentionally, but just remember that your the most important person in your own life.
  6. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yes isn't that the truth. I've found myself in that sort of spot. It is better when you start to put yourself first if you tend to be a people pleaser. It is a tricky one but once you get the hang of it there are much better results.
    Trying to please everyone shows know boundaries and you get yourself into more of a mess than you bargain for.
  7. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    You really do have to forget about everyone else and concentrate on yourself. This is the only way you are going to make it through recovery, especially in the beginning. It is ok to let others into your life, but they have to be beneficial influences.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I agree. When it comes to improving yourself, you should really be selfish, because what other people think don't really matter in the long run. What matters most is how your life has improved since you started your downward spiral into addiction.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2015
  9. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I have a saying, "Give yourself at least as much respect as you give others". Never put yourself on the second place and never do something for anyone if you're not okay with it. After all, you are the only person who will be by your side through everything, until the end. Make yourself happy and pleased with what you do.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Put yourself first. You can't be anything for anybody else unless you take care of yourself.

    You have to strike some sort of balance though. You could think of yourself and also do something for others as long you don't have conflicting interests.
  11. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I think it's difficult to be selfish when you've been accustomed to being selfless all your life. Throughout my childhood, I'm the one friend who my friends come to for money problems or any problem at all. They know I'm willing to listen and be with them whenever they need me. My family also knows that I will give up everything for them.

    When I became a mother, I neglected myself. I think I looked like an unattractive person all because I devoted all my time to my husband and son. I haven't even gone to the parlor in over a year now. Even taking a bath and brushing my hair are put on hold every now and then. It is really not an option to be selfish when you're in this situation.

    But I do agree that we need to be selfish sometimes. There are times that the more we do things for others, the more that we neglect ourselves. And really, we need to love ourselves in order to be able to love other people too.