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Your definition of forgiveness

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by RingoBerry, Feb 15, 2015.

  1. TommyVercetti

    TommyVercetti Community Champion

    Forgiving someone in my opinion is letting go of the hate and animosity towards that person, and rejecting the feelings of resentment you'll normally feel for the person who hurt you. It doesn't mean you won't get angry, it means that you won't cling to that anger and alienate the person. You also have to make an effort to understand the person you want to forgive and look at the world in their perspective. They don't necessarily have to be in the right or in the wrong. Forgiving someone goes beyond judging their faults, it's learning to accept them and moving on.
  2. rainbowguard

    rainbowguard Senior Contributor

    Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting for me. People will always remember those who wronged them no matter how much they try to forget it. Unless, those are relatively small matters, I don't think it is possible to completely forget them. However, our love for those people and the good things that they have done to us worth more than what wrong things they have done so in the end, despite old wounds keep resurfacing here and there, we can resist to become angry again.
  3. juno

    juno Community Champion

    Forgiveness is the power to let go of anger, hatred and resentment and to discover, in humility, the generosity of the spirit. When we can truly forgive, we let go of our ego and earnestly feel compassion to forgive. When one is open, one doesn't hold onto resentment, but forgives, one is capable of loving even someone who is hurtful, because there is more understanding about people's characteristic and how they can learn a habit from their childhood or what their parents taught them. It's all about understanding how discipline and training can change one's behavior to always be open and loving to everyone, not just close friends and family.
  4. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I think that forgiveness is divine, but forgetting someone's actions entirely is not reality in my opinion, and not even wise. We are all human, and to "forget" what a person was once capable of is good in theory but not practical in a lot of cases.

    My son's grandmother used to be on crack, and would steal my money; money that I had hidden in my house maybe to pay rent, and buy my then baby son things that a baby needs, like diapers and food. She'd steal, then I'd have to struggle.
    I forgave her, and so I continued to let her come around. Had I not forgiven her, I would not have let her in my house again.

    When she got clean, I was happy for her, but I didn't forget her past thieving actions. To do so could have been disastrous for my baby son and for me. Even though she had changed her life, I could not take a chance on her stealing from me ever again. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

    If I forgot all about her stealing from me, when she came around, I would have kept my money in the same hiding place, therefore putting my much needed financial security in her hands. Forgetting all about what she did in the past was not practical for me.

    There are many people that I have forgiven, but I don't forget their past actions because they are human and liable to fall again. One must be cautious, especially in this world today.
  5. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    Forgiveness is hard and I have never done it to be totally honest, and I have literally just realised that! I hold a grudge and I need to change that. To err is human, to forgive, divine. I guess I need to work on my divinity!
  6. trueknowledge

    trueknowledge Active Contributor

    Bring back bad memories, or anything bad from the bad is a terrible idea. Hindsight is just not something a person should think about but something that is though about a lot by everyone. Whenever an old memory is getting me sad, I quit thinking about it the moment I realized it is. Memories are very powerful and it's not something you should let effect your day.
  7. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Forgiveness, yeah isn't that a subject. I think that this is a two way communication. One apologizes and is sincerely sorry. Saying something like that they won't do that again or they did not mean to or that they will try harder to pay attention. The other accepts and acknowledges by saying thank you or something like this. Now clean slate, not to bring up again or have a hang up about it. Treat that person well like they did before this. No hard feelings, no need to bring anything up front the past.
    I think that the reason why this doesn't always work is because one or the other hasn't taken the necessary steps. You need to be sincerely sorry. Not just oh whatever or not even really caring. Forgiveness is not like one person making a mistake and not caring about it. The other pointing it out and being angry. This is why people keep bringing things up and they don't feel forgiven. Some sincerity and actually acknowledgement of making an effort to make something right goes a long way.
    Trouble is when you are around people who could care less it begins to rub off and this is not good. Be the first to admit when you are wrong and the first to apologize. I will sometimes apologize even if it is not my fault. Why? Because it works. It diffuses the situation. It teaches another person that it's not so bad to admit when you are wrong. Even if it is not your fault think of something that was within that situation and apologize for it even if they other person was completely out of line. It is amazing what this kind of stuff will do. But, you can't expect everyone to be extraordinarily responsive to this, but for the most part it works.
    The past can end up being brought up because the issue was not properly resolved. Nobody rectified it. The bigger person failed to rectify it. Let me make it up to you or let's get together and figure this out. I know we had some miscommunications. I mean it's not rocket science.
  8. akiram13

    akiram13 Community Champion

    To let go of all the bad or negative feelings that I have towards someone. To not hold the past against them. I must say it is hard not too. But I can forgive if the person deserves my forgiveness than again I can hold a grudge against someone til the end of time. I have no grudges because in time my anger dies as so do the issues that happened. Life goes on and many other things to trouble ones self.
  9. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    Well you can't forget, but you can let those old wounds not hurt you anymore. You give people power when you don't forgive. And you hold yourself in bondage. It's a bitterness none of us need.
    Zyni likes this.
  10. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I would say that to me, forgiveness is moving on myself from the hurt someone has caused me - not being silly enough to let them do it again, but just not being caught up in the pain and frustration that holding onto anger and hurt can do to us.

    It can be easier said than done, though!