An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Your Sober Social Life

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Baye's Mom, Jun 11, 2015.

  1. Baye's Mom

    Baye's Mom Member

    I've been off meth for about a year and a half, weed for about a year, and since giving everything up, I feel as though I've become sort of like a hermit. I don't have hardly any friends anymore because the company I kept then are still doing the same thing now, not moving forward in their lives. Since getting together with my husband and our beautiful baby daughter, I don't have any room in my life for drugs, but I don't have any friends. I don't go places because I'm afraid someone from my past will pop up or someone will be using out in the open and I can't be around any of that, won't bring my daughter around it.

    So how many other people here are going through or have gone the same thing? How did you make friends again?
  2. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Please accept my love and friendship @Baye's Mom I'm a parent of several young people and I love them so. They have struggles, too. And constant show of love for them do make a difference in their lives and mine.

    You are doing the right thing by separating yourself from your previous company. Yes, it's a lonely path. But it's the right path to true happiness and freedom. But be very brave. You do have a precious blessing of your beautiful Baye! Do you have a local support group for young moms. Where they get together, like a creche? You can support each other there. Or visit some local charity functions at a church? (so far, this is the closest group I could think of that has credibility check for good works).

    I look forward to seeing you and hearing from you, @Baye's Mom. Thank you for your time.
  3. Joseph

    Joseph Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Baye's Mom, Congratulations on your decision to live a substance-free life. That is huge! It's awesome that you have a new family to focus on and this is such a great perspective. It's also great that you're fully aware that associating with people from your past is probably not the best idea. You're right, people caught up in the cycle of addiction usually aren't motivated to make positive changes with their lives, and it seems like happy, healthy people are the types of people that would be more fulfilling to surround yourself with. I struggled with feeling like a "hermit" for a long time also into my sobriety, and it didn't help that I naturally enjoy my alone time. But once I really understood how important social connections were in my recovery, I found that taking even the smallest steps to surround myself with other healthy people with shared interests was essential. There are hundreds of ways to connect with people but for me it started with setting the intention that I wanted to attract more health-minded people into my life. Suddenly, I find myself working out a few times a week with some people from work at the gym, or going on hikes with other people who happened to mention they like hiking. I don't think we need to force it by signing up for all sorts of activity groups but setting an intention for the exact type of people you want to draw into your life is important. Sounds like you're off to a really great start in setting that intention!
  4. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    I find it's just generally harder to make new friends in adulthood, as most people are just super busy. But it's very important to have a positive social group, humans are social animals we need our community.
    I made lots of my friends through church, but I understand that's not everyone's thing.
    You have to find what interests you and go out and be involved in those scenes. Perhaps there are friends to be made in the mommy scene, things like going to the park.
    You are certainly on the right path, it may seem hard or lonely now but it always gets better!
  5. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Great job on successfully getting back on track and leading a sober life again. I think everyone of us would have to let go of people who are just bad influences to us. It is time to move forward and forget all the mistakes you have done in the past. It is difficult but it is part of life. Don't worry, I am pretty sure you would be able to meet new people someday and make friends again.
  6. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @Baye's Mom ! You do have a wonderful gift there. Your baby is the most beautiful replacement God has given you after getting away from your past social circle. Deciding to quit was your biggest move and staying sober is your biggest accomplishment. You may not have any friends right now but you will eventually meet new people soon. As you fulfill your role as a mother, you will meet people who have the same role as you along the way. Never regret losing your old friends because the result you got was worth it. Your life is now in the right direction especially now that you have a baby to take care of. Congratulations on finding a new life in sobriety. For now, consider us your new friends who are just here willing to listen when you need someone to talk with. :)
  7. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Firstly a big congrats to you for realizing that wasn't the life you wanted to be living. It's super hard when it requires cutting people off and out of your life (been there and done it - so I feel you!) and honestly, I did go through that hermit phase for quite a while myself. When I started a new job afterwards I met some great co-workers that then became friends - so I guess really just a change of scenery helps. I think meeting people courtesy of the internet is also helpful these days - have you heard of the website called MeetUp? If there's meet ups in your local area I think you should check them out - I've done cooking classes locally and things like that, where I've met like minded people. It's helped a lot.

    It is hard, but it does get easier I promise!
  8. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think a lot of people feel the same when they have given up taking a substance. You feel like your life has something missing, it's harder to socialize because your used to being under the influence.

    The thing you have to remember though, is that giving up a substance is only part of the job, simply stopping taking something is a first step, what's also needed is to change the rest of your life aswell, meeting new people and learning to go out and have fun without drugs is part of that.
  9. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    Many kudos to you for making the effort to live a better life, first off. And I do agree that many people who have given up addictions or detrimental habits have had to cut people out of their lives. I know I did, and honestly I still haven’t completely come out of that hermit phase. But I think it’s happening for me, finally. Part of the reason people recommend starting new hobbies is because you can often meet new friends if you take classes or find groups who engage in the things you’re interested in. Volunteering is another option.
  10. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You did a good thing since it is your life that you taking care of. After using several types of drugs you came to understand what life is. Continue living positively and one day you will be an example to them. They may want advice from you when they realise that they are on the wrong side. You will be able to get new friends at work or even those who you attend church with.
  11. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    It is wonderful to hear that you have changed your life and are being a good mother and wife. It is still early days, but in time you will make new friends. Being a hermit may be the safer option for you right now and still for a time. The day will come when you will find that addictions will no longer have any place in your mind and you will feel a lot safer. Then you will venture out with confidence and easily say no to those who may lead you astray. You will gradually develop a complete new lifestyle with new friends and places to go that don't include what you did before. There are many people living great clean and healthy lives. Keep moving forward, but don't push yourself.
  12. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Most recovering addicts must let go of the "old crowd."

    There are several ways you can make new friends:

    - Recovery communities like this one can be a good place to start making friends. The friendships will be different but you wouldn't have to be all that lonely.

    - Join a recovery group [offline], offer support to others who may be struggling. You'll meet others like you who have been clean for a while.

    - Do volunteer work when you have the time. Gives you the opportunity to meet lots of people.

    - If you are religious, go to church.

    All the best.
  13. seatones

    seatones Member

    I've noticed after getting sober, the real true friends I had before are still there. There's so many acquaintances that I lost because I'm not out there partying, but it's not like they were that important to my life. If they can't hang with you without being drunk or high, how good of a friend are they really? I found the most important thing to do is go do things that don't have alcohol involved and I'll most likely meet someone who doesn't need to party to have fun. I've also focused a lot more on my passions/goals which is a huge added bonus.
  14. rcdpink

    rcdpink Active Contributor

    You may feel lonely but you made the right choice. Your health is your wealth. No friendship can substitute that.
  15. rcdpink

    rcdpink Active Contributor

    Your real friends are not variables but constants in your life. They remain unchanged toward you in all that you go through.
  16. rcdpink

    rcdpink Active Contributor

    Yes I do agree that she needs to work on her mental and emotional health. The head has got to be totally screwed on to the body or else you will be headless.
  17. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    A good start is to get yourself out there and try something new, something you are already interested in, or do other activities with other new mom's and their kids! Many new mom's feel the same way, even those who are not recovering addicts, because your life as a mom is completely different than your before-baby life, and many friends who do not have kids yet do not really understand that.

    As far as meeting other moms goes, look for free activities in your area for kids, such as library lapsit or story time, parks and recreation center activities and events, YMCA events, etc. Once you start looking for free events in your area, you may be surprised to find there are more than expected. Start chatting with other moms who have things in common with you - kids!

    Also, for time for yourself, join a local class in arts, fitness, whatever interested you, and chat up other people! You may find people with similar interests to become friends with.
  18. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I'm not an addict, but in your case I would advise you to start looking for a new set of friends that you can count on to influence you positively. I think looking for friends online would be ideal, or join a local group in your area if it's applicable, like a rotary group or something.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Sounds like maybe you should consider moving. You have a husband and a baby; what more do you want? People become hermits for different reasons. I can understand why you feel like sticking close to home.
    I watched a woman with a different sort of problem that continued. Her son was 11 or 12. She endlessly tried to keep him from people who might tell him. Kids figure these things out. She was kind of stupid to continue.
    You've stopped and are done with it. You can either face it all head on and just make new friends. You could meet some people maybe that will accept you as you are now. If not just figure it out and move. Make a new life.
  20. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It was a great decision that you chose to stay with those friends who will just bring you again in the wrong path. Better to gain new friends that are good influence for you. Keep yourself motivated in being sober and loving your family. :)