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Your Sober Social Life

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Baye's Mom, Jun 11, 2015.

  1. danjon

    danjon Senior Contributor

    This is exactly what happened to me when I initially went sober from alcohol. Building a new social life was so hard, but it is possible. Don't forget, a lot of people are in the same shoes as you, and the quickest cure to solve your own loneliness to to help solve someone else's. Get out there and good luck!
  2. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Interesting thread title... When we stop consuming what happens is that we need to change our lifestyle. So it's very important to have thought this true and have valid occupations or else it's way harder.
  3. iwillwin

    iwillwin Member

    I am finding being a hermit after meth is very common.. you are not alone in this.. there are many of us.. I am single and not a parent.. but I can't and will not remain a hermit forever.. If I run into someone in public who I have removed from my life.. I owe them nothing.. I give nice genuine hello.. I tell them I hope they are well and keep on moving.. I chose not to engage in any conversation other than that. I know basically how they feel and or what they are going through.. that is why I choose to only speak positively.. I am finding I am getting better day by day due to my choice to be sober (and meth is a hard one to beat) and the positive nature of others that are in my life.. there is person I will not speak to as they are not on planet earth nor do I feel they will ever be in his case I give a polite smile only and keep moving.. I do allow one person to communicate with me mostly via text.. neither of us are as far out as you are.. I can say if I had a child as you do I would probably not allow contact with this one person.. we are a support team for one another.. however I would not hesitate to cut them off should I feel my sobriety threatened..

    As far as making friends.. I am not ready for that yet.. however that is going to come.. and the way that will happen is by getting out of the house.. I am by no means consider myself better than anyone.. there is no guarantee anyone I meet will be substance free.. however I will require they be.. and should they not be.. then it won't be.. I am not against the use of weed or people that have a social drink those would be my only exceptions. I am just at the beginning of finding good health activities again that enhance my life not destroy it..

    I am so happy for you and congratulate you for choosing to be sober for yourself, your child and husband.. you are an inspiration. I would guess you would choose friends who are married or coupled and may or may not have children.. participate in good positive healthy activities that enhance the life of you and your family.
  4. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I've kept around one friend since my recovery, and we've been friends for over ten years, but that friendship has started a downhill roll ever since she found out I'm pregnant again.

    Personally, I haven't really tried to get out and look for more friends, but making friends in general when you're an adult can prove to be difficult.
  5. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    You shouldn't have a problem making friends if you could make them the first time. Even if your old friends could accept your lifestyle change you shouldn't have to get rid of them. If you can find people who accept you the way that you are you should be alright . Go places where none of your former habits are involved . It may not be as hard as you think.
  6. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I am glad to know that you are maintaining your sobriety. It is one of the things that can be very tricky of course and it is one of the things that we need to always be aware of. Thank Goodness you have friends who can help you if you find yourself prone to stumble. It is a great thing to do. It is amazing.
  7. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    Congrats for your beautiful daughter!
    I kind of have gone through the same thing about three years ago and let me tell you that I'm still kind of afraid of seeing one of my old friends... But you can't always live in fear, we all make mistakes and we have to learn to move on in all the aspects. Maybe now you don't have a lot of time for social life because of your daughter, but try to go to places where you know that other parents may be there, and maybe try talking to them, you can find some good friends there, who knows!
  8. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I think that that's one of the many struggles of a person in recovery, they have to let go of older friendships. These friendships can be triggers for an otherwise recovered person and can lead to relapse. I do think it's still possible to find new friendships even if you're in recovery. There are people in the same stage as you, moms even, so I'm sure you'll be able to find people that have the same situation as you're in. Communities like this can also be a place to find friends or groups that you belong to. Good luck and congratulations on successfully winning your battle! I'm sure your loved ones are very proud of you.
  9. rz3300@

    rz3300@ Senior Contributor

    It is definitely a little weird for me too. My social life has completely changed. I have completely different friends who do different things, and it is tough for me to not always watch over my shoulders to see if someone or something from those old days might pop up.

    I try to be normal and act like it is not a big deal, but inside my head the wheels are turning and I am thinking up a storm of possible negative circumstances that could happen.
  10. iwillwin

    iwillwin Member

    I don't think it's harder to make friends as an adult per say. I do find it harder to meet friends because I am more picky about where I would meet people/friends. I don't care to go to bars (not that I am against it) and I am not religious so church is not an option. I also believe social networks have put a damper on the social lives of people in general, at the same time it is a good thing. I will also say I don't need a bunch of friends it's more about quality over quantity
  11. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I don't know if that is the case. If we are outgoing yes, we can relate easily, but shy people have a hard time doing it. More, some people simply don't have interest in relating with others.
  12. ellyjude

    ellyjude Active Contributor

    I love reading inspirational stories however short from people who have chosen to live a different life. Congratulations dear on the step you have chosen to take. Your husband must be really proud of you.
  13. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That's the other side of, when we do have someone waiting for us it's even more motivating. We do need to change our habits, it will be a new better life!
  14. denise13337

    denise13337 Active Contributor

    The issues with my sober social life is that my sober social life friends aren't addicts. So they don't understand, they want to go our and party, have a girls night, etc. I feel like I'm limited because as an addict my life will never be normal like theirs.
  15. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I still haven't made any new friends... I have met some new people, but they are just people I know, not friends friends. The few friends I have are the only true ones I have, they never did drugs with me and I knew them way before I messed around with drugs.
  16. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Making friends is hard. For me what worked it was to start doing sports and there I met people with the same interests as me. Also, online forums were a good help too.
  17. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Thank you, I plan to do that (swimming) and honestly hope I can meet new people, but I am kind of picky with friendships (I don't like drama queens, super negative people, etc), but I am hopeful :) I already have a potential circle of friends thanks to an old friend of mine, sadly not in the same city, but nearby. Better than nothing, since I'll be new there.
    oportosanto likes this.
  18. MsLucy

    MsLucy Active Contributor

    I am dreaming of the day I can be in the place u are. Having friends is one of those things I worry about often. All of my friends now are addicts, & so far have no intention on stopping. I wonder if I will be able to make sober friends. I worry if I will be able to have similar connections and form lasting bonds.
  19. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Swimming is good, I did it too years ago, but what really worked for me was playing tennis as it's something I really love. So, finding the sport we love can really boost our social life. :)